Thursday, April 22, 2010
Every parent will be faced with the challenge of finding the perfect diaper for their child. Something that is comfy, affordable, and soaks up ridiculous amounts of urine without exploding into that really hard to clean gel that comes screaming out of diapers that have been overly saturated.
I thought I had it made; I had been using Pampers Swaddlers and Cruisers for the last four years and they were awesome! They were seriously soft, and the mesh liner was the best thing since the advent of modern plumbing. I never had to worry about having separate diapers for day and night because these things absorbed even the most copious amounts of piss. Granted, there have been a couple of rare occasions where Munchkin’s bladder decided to do its best impression of Niagra Falls, but even then, the leaks that occurred weren’t disastrous by any means.
Unfortunately, things have changed, and the amazing diapers described above are now a thing of the past. Pampers Cruisers still exist, but now they are utilizing something called Dry Max and claiming to be “high performance” and “revolutionary.” They are anything but “high performance,” that’s for goddamn sure. When I first came across the new Cruisers, I seriously thought for a second that I had picked up a box that had somehow slipped through the cracks of quality assurance. The thing I pulled out that day was thin and coarse; it was like putting an odd smelling piece of tissue paper on my kid. (These things REEKED of some sort of chemical(s)!) To make matters worse, as soon as it got wet it sagged down to her knees (I’m not even joking here), it leaked, and it gave her a bad case of diaper rash.
Customer Action Shot!
A quick Google search let me know that I wasn’t the only one having these issues, and that other kids had it way worse – they were developing chemical burns! On their privates! Motherfucking CHEMICAL BURNS! From a diaper!!? What the fuck, Pampers?? Why are these diapers still being sold????
Not my kid's privates, but pretty horrible nonetheless.
Anyway, now I have to find a suitable nighttime diaper for my Munchkin and my faith in Proctor and Gamble has been totally destroyed by their dodgy tactics (when they initially changed over to Dry Max there was no indication on the packaging that anything was different. NONE.) and their apparent lack of concern for the parents whose kids are getting blisters on their nether-regions. I called P&G and pwned the shit out of the customer service rep before getting a check for forty bucks... which is cool and all, but in the grand scheme of things, forty bucks isn’t much of a consolation prize at all. My kid leaked everywhere for days and developed a bad rash. And what about the other kids out there? The ones who are getting blistered and burned? Forty dollars is not going to make them feel better, that’s for damn sure!