Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Somnambulist

A few nights ago I decided to check on my Midget before retiring to my room for the night. I  usually don’t make it a point to peek in on her while she’s sleeping, but I couldn’t help myself – her door was open. So I quietly peered in and ended up feeding myself a heaping helping of nightmare fuel.

My daughter was half-sitting, half-laying down in her bed, adjusting her covers. She was completely asleep but her eyes were wide open and it freaked me the hell out. Now, for those of you who have never witnessed a somnambulist in action, it can be a little scary. Because those eyes that are wide open? Not only are they WIDE open, but any glimmer of hope, mischeif, or whatever it is that shines in that individual’s eyes during waking hours is completely absent.

So, here I am, watching in horror as my kid pulls her covers up while staring at the wall before she lays back down, curls up, and closes her eyes. I was so freaked out by seeing this that I asked my husband to come upstairs and watch television in our bedroom despite the fact that I would be going to sleep. Because, quite frankly, I am a giant pussy, and my over-active imagination DOES NOT HELP. I kept thinking about that scene in that dumb movie, Paranormal Activity, where the female lead gets up in the middle of the night and just stands by the bed staring at her douchebag boyfriend for like, three hours, and imagined my kid slowly schlepping into my bedroom to stare at me in much the same fashion before, I dunno…  attacking me with a hair clip or the maneki neko, or any of the other random items that sit on my nightstand.

Heavy artillery.
My husband did oblige and come upstairs, but in typical Jeremy-fashion he told me not to be a pussy and then proceeded to use the loo, and instead of walking out and settling down, he stood motionless in the doorway staring at me until I finally noticed… and then I jumped about 14 feet in the air while stringing together a chain of unintelligible obscenities that may or may not have been heard within a 60 mile radius.

Ahh, married life.

2 comments (+add yours?)

Megan said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That would have freaked me the hell out, too.

And the boyfriend in Paranormal Activity WAS a douchebag!

katie killjoy said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ugggh, my boyfriend does this all the time! Except he'll talk to me and say reaaaaally reaaaaly weird things! So creepy...

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