Saturday, December 18, 2010

For your viewing pleasure. Or displeasure.

Can I blame my lack of meaningful blog posts on Santa Buddies? Because I just saw a thirty-second television spot for its premier and I swear at least half of my brain cells just died. All I could do was stare in slack-jawed horror at the bizarre images on my “tee-bee,” as Munchkin so enthusiastically calls it. I think the real horror is that puppies will always appeal to children, so Midget, who was actually asking me questions about that movie during a shopping trip earlier this week, is going to be ALL OVER that shit.


©Walt Disney Pictures
Goddammit.
And this is where my maternal instincts kick the fuck in. 

I’m black-listing Santa Buddies. Or Paws. Or whatever the shit it’s called. I have a short list of blacklisted movies and television shows; I think that letting my kids watch something that’s incredibly stupid could be way more damaging than letting them watch a five-minute Mickey Mouse short. Now, I know that they are kids, and these are just movies, and they are family-friendly, and blah, blah, blah, but some of these movies are just so damn ridiculous that I can’t help but be like, “No.”
Of course, this doesn’t mean that I don’t let the kids watch things that are meant for their age group. We own every Pixar movie that is out on Blu-Ray (why the fuck haven’t they released Finding Nemo yet?!), along with the traditional Disney movies involving princesses and other magic. The girls have both been allowed to watch the Harry Potter movies, though they will not be allowed to see Deathly Hallows in any capacity until they are much older. (I wanted to ban Half Blood Prince as well, because of the gruesome introduction of the Sectumsempra curse, Inferi, and – of course – Dumbledore’s death, but somehow it slipped through the cracks during one of its excessive screenings on HBO. Even worse is that it seems to be Midget’s favourite HP film… “Is this the one where Draco gets all bloody?”)

©Warner Bros. Pictures
FAIL.
The thing that I find the most interesting about kids and movies these days is that back in the 80’s, kid-friendly movies were much different from what we consider acceptable in this day and age. Like Labyrinth – where we had David Bowie’s gargantuan balls/cod-piece/groin-area sneaking into almost every scene in the entire movie. Transformers The Movie dealt with the death of Optimus Prime and included the infamously edited line, “Oh shit – what are we gonna do now?!” Or how about The Goonies?! Awesome movie – a classic! But what were some of the things included in that flick? Profanity, a dead body, a family of gangsters that wanted to MURDER a group of kids.

Also worth mentioning about 80’s family and children’s movies is that there was nothing like Beverly Hills Chihuahua or that Shark Boy and Lava Girl bullshit. It makes me wonder when and why the standard for what’s appropriate for kids to see changed – and why.

I’m not really sure of where I’m going with this, to be honest. In fact, this whole post was largely the result of a breakdancing dog, so take from that what you will…

4 comments (+add yours?)

Kimber Leszczuk. said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You make a good point. Some of the crap they make for kids these days is freaking ridiculous! The stuff we watched when we were younger was so much different.

It is almost like they are making some of the kids movies for the adults that are going to be taking them. Even the artwork for the original castle of Disney's Little Mermaid had a penis in it. I have the box before they pulled them back off the shelves and redid them. THEN they feel guilty about the ones they made for the adults so they have to make some super retarded ones just for the kids to feel better about the more risque ones they made for the grownups. It is an ongoing cycle.

thelexhex said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I had the original Little Mermaid, too! From what I understand, the phallus was added by a disgruntled artist or something. I don't remember it being too big of a deal -- a recall was issued and that was about it, right?

Of course, if that happened nowadays, there would be a crazy fuss over it and somebody somewhere would say that it is "damaging" to the kids. Because, you know... if a child sees something other than unicorns, rainbows, or break-dancing puppies, the world will shatter.

Megan said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I love this post. Hilarious and very true.

Chris and I basically have the same philosophy. Chris says it's important to teach your kids taste, as well as values and all that other stuff. We only let Charlotte watch things we thing have some redeeming qualities, and we go about music the same way.

I will join your Santa Buddies boycott!

Doria said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Lady I will admit that Santa Paws, SUCKED! I only had to suffer through some of it and it was the most horrid movie, well one of them, EVAR! My princess is 6, about to be 7, and I do not allow her to watch the pg13s, she hates that. I did slip up and let her watch Indiana Jones, I guess because it's so old it was rated PG, so I let it slide, but OMG! It wasn't really appropriate I didn't think. She has not seen any of the Harry Potters, but neither have I. I am the most closed minded person I know, so if I don't watch it, neither does she, if I have my way! Im with you on the princesses and the Pixar movies. I did Blacklist the cat in the hat as well as most movies with that actor. OMG if only they knew what he was talking about! I was weary about the dino series, dang what was the name of that... Jurrasic Park. Lotsa death in there and the kids were in danger, but she laughs it off.. I think they handle it better than we think sometimes. Some of it anyways!

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