Sunday, December 5, 2010

Kids Say the Darndest Things

My kids are fucking weird, and I say that in the most loving possible way. I’m pretty sure that Jeremy and I have a lot to do with this: through the miracle that is a night with movies and beer procreation, our individual eccentricities have joined together to create the goddamn Devastator of weirdness, which can now be found in our kids’ DNA (presumably somewhere between eye colour and body-type).

I reckon it's somewhere to the left?

For the last couple of years, since Midget started talking, I have posted some of her more memorable bits on Facebook for my friends and family to see. So, since I’m kind of hurting for actual shit to write about, I’ve decided to share some of these bits here on the blog, so that anybody reading this can enjoy some of the oddities that come out of my kid's mouth. The two-year old is still a n00b when it comes to this speaking thing, so I don’t have any good quotes from her… yet.

Actual Snippet of Conversation #1

Me: Midget, what is your problem?!
Midget: I don't KNOW! ... maybe I should sleep.
*grabs my face under my left eye and pinches*
Me: ...?
Midget: You with the cheeky cheeky.
*gives me an eskimo kiss and then smiles and caresses (yes, caresses) my face*
Midget: I'm so sorry. I just mean that.

Actual Snippet of Conversation #2

Midget: Gizmo is going to take me to go see a movie.
Me: He is?
Midget: Yeah. He's going to take me to see a movie called "Hemelations."
Me: "Hemelations?" O_o
Midget: Yup. Bye mom! I'm going to see Hemelations now. Come on, Gizmo. You're taking me. ...Yup; you sure are!
Gizmo: Mrow?

This fuckin' guy.

Actual Snippet of Conversation #3

Midget: Mommy, when I get older you will buy me a swore.
Me: A what?
Midget: A suh-worr.
Me: ????
Midget: A Suh-WORRR!
Me: *light bulb over head clicks on* A sword??
Midget: Yeah, a sword. When I get older you will buy me one.
Me: Absolutely not.
Midget: Why?
Me: I don't even have a sword. Why on earth would you want one?
Midget: So I can stab people if they touch my nipples.

Actual Snippet of Conversation #4
(This is the most recent one, taking place a few weeks ago.)

Midget: Mommy, do I know everything?
Me: Nope. Not even close.
Midget: Does Daddy know everything?
Me: Nope. Nobody knows everything.
Midget: ...Yes he does.

It goes without saying that my husband is particularly fond of that last one.

I can’t even begin to imagine the type of shit Munchkin is going to start coming up with.

3 comments (+add yours?)

Doria said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I love the one about the sword! Made me giggle. And I keep telling my daughter I know everything, she's not buying it yet! I know everything and Dad is majik. Go figure! Love the post!

Chris H said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That was a hilarious post. Your kids couldn't have weirder parents so I guess I'm not surprised. I'm taking a quick break at work right now (working on Hemelations the sequel), and randomly decided to check up on your blog. I'm glad I did.
In the back pages in Parents magazine they have silly things kids say and even though the sword conversation would never make it pass the interns desk it's still more authentic than anything else I've read on there.

thelexhex said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Dude, I still haven't seen the first Hemelations, but I imagine the sequel will be epic!

Glad you you enjoyed the post :)

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