Friday, January 15, 2010

Spidey Starts Over

When I learned that Spider-Man 4 was officially canned in favour of a reboot, I was pretty damn relieved. I mean, the rumours about a character called the Vulturess (who, I guess, was going to hang around the Vulture and like, I dunno… do Vulture things?) and the idea of Kirsten Dunst once again massacring all that Mary Jane Watson is supposed to embody didn’t leave me feeling particularly excited for another lackluster sequel. (Plus, Spider-Man 3 sucked. Hard.)

Of course, now that the franchise is going to be rebooted, well, I don’t know how to feel about that, either. While it’s a marvelous opportunity for the filmmakers to fix the things that went awry with the original Spider-Man trilogy, it also seems like it’s a little early. Can’t Sony just let it rest for a bit and maybe revisit this idea a few more years down the line? Obviously, they won’t, since these movies are a big-ass pay day for everyone involved. That said, my husband and I, being the dorks that we are, discussed what should be done this time around to make the Spider-Man movies RIGHT:

1) Keep Peter Parker in High School – One of the biggest mistakes that was made in Raimi’s Spider-Man trilogy was taking Peter out of high school almost immediately. Watching him juggle his superhero alter-ego with his Algebra II homework will be infinitely more interesting than watching him get a shitty apartment in Manhattan.

2) Give Us Gwen Stacey – Anyone familiar with Spider-Man and his history is well aware of the fact that before there was Mary Jane, there was Gwen. She was Peter Parker’s first love, and her death at the hands of the Green Goblin was a pretty big deal. So, leave MJ out of it (bring her in for a sequel or something, if it gets that far) and start things off the right way – with the pretty blonde bombshell who held Peter’s heart during the early days of his superhero career.

3) Keep The Villians to a Minimum – There will probably be some major temptation to reach into the classic Spider-Man rogues gallery for somebody that audiences have not yet seen on the big screen. However, the Webhead’s early foes were the Green Goblin, the Vulture, and Flash Thomson (when not in tights). We don’t need an army of guys trying to take Spidey down all at the same time, and we certainly don’t need any brand new, goofy side-kicks to go along with them.

4) Find A Fresh Face – Personally, I think that Tobey Maguire did a good job as Peter Parker, but at 34, he is too old to even be considered to reprise the role in any capacity. (Not that 34 is old, but you know how it is in Hollywood…) Even though there are some talented young actors currently in the spotlight, the best decision the studio can make is to find an unknown to fill the role. Though if they absolutely HAVE to go with an already established name, they should have a look at Anton Yelchin (Star Trek, Terminator Salvation). Plus, he’s only 20!

5) Get A Cast and Crew That Cares!! – The most important thing that Sony can do to make the Spider-Man reboot successful is to get people who actually enjoy the source material on the job. If the folks working on it geniunely want to make an amazing flick that does the character justice, it will show in the final product. Notable examples of this include Iron Man, both of Christopher Nolan’s Batman films, and The Incredible Hulk.

If the execs over at Sony can follow these simple guidelines, then creating a cluster-fuck disaster a la Spider-Man 3 should be completely avoidable.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I have always been an insanely self-conscious person. I can’t really explain why, but I’m sure that it has something to do with my somewhat dodgy upbringing, and how my parents never really instilled me with a sense of self-confidence. As I got older, I started to care less and less about what other people thought about me, deciding that being myself (however awkward or quirky) was way better than being “accepted” or “fitting in.” Unfortunately, now that I am a mother, I find myself thinking and worrying about how I am perceived by other people… a lot. I am aware that in the grand scheme of things, the opinions of  total strangers don’t matter, but insecurity often overthrows logical thinking. With that said, now that my oldest has started preschool, I am downright terrified of the things that must be running through the heads of the teachers, the director, and the other parents.

Just today, I told my husband that I like to look “reasonably well-put-together” when I go to drop-off or pick up our Midget. (Yes, we affectionately refer to our oldest as “Midget” and our youngest as “Munchkin.” Alliteration FTW.) I wish to exude confidence that I don’t necessarily have, and I want these people to think that I have it together – a task that might prove a little more difficult than it should because of my current choice of hair colour, the steel rod sticking out of my ear cartilage, and my proclivity for black eyeliner and hoodies. Despite my outward appearance, I want it to be abundantly clear that I am doing a fine job raising an intelligent and well-adjusted toddler. Which, of course, brings me to my daughter.

Now, I’m not gonna lie: Midget is a bit of a brat. However, I don’t want other people to think that. I want them to see that she is beautiful, intelligent, and funny. I want them to understand that she has an active imagination, and that when she talks about zombies it’s not because she sits on the couch watching George Romero films all day (it’s because mommy has a Dismember Me Plush Zombie called Vladimir); that when she asks about “girl stuff” it’s because she is trying to understand how the human body works, and that when she throws a tantrum, she’s just being a grumpy three-year old. Finally, I think it goes without saying that I want others to think that the pint-sized chick with the blue hair tied in a wild top-knot is doing a damn fine job of raising not one, but two amazing little girls.

...Even if I’m not doing that great, I want people to think that I am anyway, dammit.