Monday, January 17, 2011
Ten female videogame characters who put the menfolk to shame
Okay, so about a week ago I read this bullshit article on IGN.com that talked about the unfair portrayal of women in videogames. The author described the majority of female characters as “vapid scenery with a mouth” or “objects that need saving,” and goes on to use poor examples, over-simplify key characters, and conveniently neglect mentioning a plethora of awesome protagonists in order to make his argument seem more valid than it really is. So, I started this big, elaborate post detailing all of the fuckery, but I got smacked with the writer’s block from hell, and then Midget contracted the goddamn flu, so… yeah.
Anyway, I probably should have focused my attention to something else, but that editorial made me mad, goddamnit! Getting back on track, the article’s author was somehow unable to think of ten strong, fully fleshed out, non-sexualized female videogame characters: he struggled to name five, and of them, two weren’t really women – they were Artificial Intelligence. When I was asked to name ten lovely ladies, I was able to do so off of the top of my head with no problem. With that said, I’m going to venture into some really dangerous nerd territory here and present you, the lucky reader, with my spur of the moment list. (Key phrase, you guys: spur of the moment. This isn't a top ten by any means.) You know you’ve been waiting all your life to read this.
(Side note: I went ahead and provided links to a good deal of things throughout this entry mostly for your convenience =D )
PS – GARGANTUAN STORY SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!
Tina Branford – Final Fantasy VI
Before I talk about Tina (aka Terra – her name was changed in all US releases for some bizarre reason about needing her to sound more "exotic"), I need to say right off the bat that I absolutely can't stand her in the Dissidia: Final Fantasy games. They made her really ugly and really annoying; needless to say, seeing one of my favorite characters in anything ever get turned into a useless twat is disappointing on so many levels! (And yet, when I play Dissidia, I always pick her anyway… go figure.)
 |
| finalfantasywikia.com |
Celes Chere – Final Fantasy VI
 |
| finalfantasywikia.com |
I once saw an amateur translator say that Celes “rocks the motherfucking house.” Evidently, several aspects of her personality were somewhat lost in the American translation, which is a damn shame – and possibly a reason why she’s so often overlooked when people talk about badass bitches with swords. Or badass bitches, period. As an infant, Celes was artificially infused with magic similar to Tina's and brought up to be a Magitek Knight in the previously mentioned Gestahlian Empire. By eighteen she had become its youngest general, cutting her way through her battles. Yes, cutting. However, since mind-control and genocide were nowhere on her To-Do List, she was imprisoned for an unspecified act of treason: When the player first meets her, she is chained up and being beaten by a couple of guards (a scene that was severely watered down in the GBA re-release due to a rash of kidnappings that took place overseas during development), but somehow, she never comes across as somebody who needs to be rescued. When the oh-so-lovable Locke swoops in to save the day, she’s completely baffled and only goes with him because he’s persistent as fuck.
(Yes, this is a pattern -- Locke has a habit of helping ladies in need. He has some serious baggage, dude.) Even though an unspoken romantic bond does eventually form between the two, it is far from what motivates Celes, probably because she’s too busy learning how to deal with life outside of a military setting while trying to save the world from one of the most psychotic villains ever.
Lucca Ashtear – Chrono Trigger
 |
| chrono.wikia.com |
ZOMG Chrono Trigger!!! That game is the SHIT!!!
Okay, now that I got that out of my system, let’s take a quick look at Lucca: This girl is so far from the vapid scenery category that it’s unreal. Are you looking at her? She’s not all that cute. And what the hell with that helmet, right? But, hey, there’s a fine line between genius and insanity, and Lucca falls in the category of somewhat dorky super-genius. As the best friend of CT's spiky-headed swordsman, Crono, Lucca leads a pretty normal life; she loves science and machinery (her father is an inventor) and loves making new and technologically advanced gadgets; after all, it's her teleportation device that ultimately sets the events of Chrono Trigger into motion by inadvertently opening a wormhole through time. On the surface, Lucca seems boastful and brash, touting her scientific knowledge as the best thing since sliced bread, but in reality she has poured herself into learning as much about science and machines as possible because of an accident in which one of her father's inventions mangled her mother's legs, leaving her confined to a wheelchair. In fact, Lucca, who was about ten at the time, witnessed the gruesome scene and carries a crushing guilt for not being able to stop it. The horror of this event (holy shit, the side-quest where you see it happen is extremely unnerving), as well as having to see the consequences daily help set Lucca apart from the rest of the CT cast, as the scale of their individual plights almost pale in comparison to hers. Not to mention she's the only playable character that has a gun. Hells yeah.
Okay, now that I got that out of my system, let’s take a quick look at Lucca: This girl is so far from the vapid scenery category that it’s unreal. Are you looking at her? She’s not all that cute. And what the hell with that helmet, right? But, hey, there’s a fine line between genius and insanity, and Lucca falls in the category of somewhat dorky super-genius. As the best friend of CT's spiky-headed swordsman, Crono, Lucca leads a pretty normal life; she loves science and machinery (her father is an inventor) and loves making new and technologically advanced gadgets; after all, it's her teleportation device that ultimately sets the events of Chrono Trigger into motion by inadvertently opening a wormhole through time. On the surface, Lucca seems boastful and brash, touting her scientific knowledge as the best thing since sliced bread, but in reality she has poured herself into learning as much about science and machines as possible because of an accident in which one of her father's inventions mangled her mother's legs, leaving her confined to a wheelchair. In fact, Lucca, who was about ten at the time, witnessed the gruesome scene and carries a crushing guilt for not being able to stop it. The horror of this event (holy shit, the side-quest where you see it happen is extremely unnerving), as well as having to see the consequences daily help set Lucca apart from the rest of the CT cast, as the scale of their individual plights almost pale in comparison to hers. Not to mention she's the only playable character that has a gun. Hells yeah.
Jill Valentine – Resident Evil Series
 |
| residentevil.wikia.com |
If you have seen the Resident Evil movies, I want you to purge Sienna Guillory from your memory this instant. The Jill I’m talking about here isn’t the bizarre, I’m-trying-too-hard-to-be-tough oddity that we got in the cinema (I should mention that I have nothing against Guillory -- I'm sure that she's a lovely person). No, I’m talking about the Master of Unlocking here! Okay, seriously, though, game Jill is infinitely superior to movie Jill. She’s smarter, she’s prettier, and she plays the piano, picks locks, disarms bombs, and knows exactly what she is doing with more than one type of firearm. Before joining S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics And Rescue Service) and becoming Chris Redfield’s partner, she was in the US Army’s Delta Force training program, learning how to own your ass in pretty much every way imaginable. Then there was that whole Mansion Incident that brought in those pesky zombies (and other B.O.W.'s), which she has been killing with finesse since 1998. 1998, son! During that time she got trapped in Raccoon City during the massive T-Virus outbreak, where she was not only stalked by the gruesome Nemesis T-type , but infected with the virus as she tried to make her escape. Clearly, she survived, since she went on to help Chris finally take down Umbrella and co-found the BSAA (Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance). Sadly, was killed in action three years prior to the start of Resident Evil 5. But, you know what? She didn't go out like no punk. Not. Even. Close.
On a side note, when I found out that Jill would be in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 I about peed my pants. Yes, I am THAT lame.
*Update: I had not played through RE5 when I first wrote this, but now I have, thus making me love this bitch EVEN MORE.
On a side note, when I found out that Jill would be in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 I about peed my pants. Yes, I am THAT lame.
*Update: I had not played through RE5 when I first wrote this, but now I have, thus making me love this bitch EVEN MORE.
Claire Redfield – Resident Evil Series
 |
| residentevil.wikia.com |
Juri Han – Super Street Fighter IV
 |
| streetfighter.wikia.com |
Yuna – Final Fantasy X, X-2
 |
| finalfantasy.wikia.com |
Brigid Tenenbaum – BioShock, BioShock 2
 |
| bioshock.wikia.com |
Even though the player only catches glimpses of Tenenbaum during the BioShock games, she’s an important ally who has so much more to offer than either Jack or Subject Delta, and I think that says a lot. She’s probably the most important character in the entire series p to this point, seeing as how she created ADAM and the iconic (and motherfucking CREEPY) Little Sisters that run around with giant needles and stab corpses all over Rapture. Her back-story involves surviving life in a German prison camp only because of her scientific prowess and being forced to assist the Nazis in their infamous medical experiments, which is equal parts crazy, interesting, and disturbing. Hearing her talk about Rapture, ADAM, and her sordid past not only gives the player a better idea of who this woman really is, but we also gain a better understanding of the insanity that ultimately IS Rapture.
Samus Aran – Metroid Series
 |
| wikipedia.org |
When the first Metroid game dropped in ’86, people were all over that shit. Here you were, playing as this bad-ass space bounty hunter that made every major action star at the time look like cute little poodles (not that poodles are cute -- they're actually kind of gross). Then the end of the game came, Samus took the suit off, and gamers everywhere shat themselves when they saw that the bad motherfucker who was destroying the shit out of aliens was, in fact, a woman. Despite that whole X chromosome thing, we barely ever see Samus without her full armor, or hell, even without her helmet. She doesn't really talk a whole lot, and she doesn't have to -- her arm cannon and missiles say plenty. She has been referred to as the least sexualized videogame character of all time, which makes IGN’s article that much more baffling, as she is specifically called out for being “porno” underneath her armor – presumably because she has a pretty face and a nice rack. If being pretty and/or having nice boobs automatically makes somebody slutty, well…I know a lot of sluts.
Elika – Prince of Persia (2008)
Elika – Prince of Persia (2008)
 |
| princeofpersia.wikia.com |
Last, but certainly not least is my creepy girl-crush, Elika. Despite being considered a supporting character, Elika was really the heart of PoP’s story: Gorgeous, smart, charming, and fully-clothed (except for her feet, but whatever), this priestess is seriously made of win. WIN, I tell you!! By talking to her at every opportunity, the player is given massive amounts of background information about her, her family, the scenery, and the villains you ultimately face off against throughout the game. Another nice touch is the role-reversal that goes on in PoP: more often than not, Elika is the one doing all of the saving, because her magical powers give her one hell of an advantage over the sword-wielding Prince, who is just sort of along for the ride. I wish Ubisoft would release the next installment in this particular Prince of Persia series simply so I can swoon over this chick some more. Okay, well, that, and I really, really want to know what happens next! Stupid cliff-hanger endings...
I'm sure that I'm supposed to say something well-thought out to bring this to a close, but that doesn't seem to be my strong suit lately. Instead, I'm going to grab a nap and hope that there aren't too many cursors hovering over that "unfollow" button over there...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments (+add yours?)
Metroid needs to be bumped up, and where's Anya????
Oh, these are in no particular order; also, this is the list that I compiled off the top of my head the moment I was asked to name the ten characters. Anya is one of many who also deserves some recognition (especially since she'll be manning up for Gears 3).
I really like what you wrote here. I think more people should play more video games like you do! lol
Another character that would fit the bill here would be Aya Brea from Parasite Eve, or even Rutee from Tales of Destiny.
And hey, even Gwendolyn from Odin Sphere makes a good strong woman too!
Btw, I'm glad I'm not the only that doesn't like Dissidia's version of Tina. >=T
Post a Comment
Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of this comment.