Thursday, June 2, 2011

What does that even MEAN???

I previously mentioned that I have a thing for music. I always listen to it when I can – I prefer keeping iTunes or Pandora running throughout the day as opposed to the telly. I get to rock out, and so do the girls, if they fancy an impromptu dance party.

When it comes to lyrics, I tend to get pretty lucky. I mean, yeah, there are some profane things on my playlists and CD mixes (also mentioned before), and the girls know not to say those words. On the flip side, there are some really good (if not great) songs out there that have some of the most ridiculous lyrics on the planet (not counting things from Tenacious D or The Lonely Island). Here are some of my personal favourites:

The Doors: The End
Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold

Don’t get me wrong – I fucking love this song. I’m sure there’s deeper meaning to it somewhere. But we all know that The Doors are considered “Acid Rock” for a reason.

The Black Eyed Peas: Boom Boom Pow
Here we go, here we go, satellite radio
Y'all gettin' hit with boom boom
Beats so big I'm steppin' on leprechauns
Shittin' on y'all with the boom boom
Shittin' on y'all you with the boom boom

Yes, I am aware that I’m probably a member of a vast minority of folks who are down with this, but whatever. Of course, whenever I blast this song in the car, I crack up almost every time I hear this, regardless of where I am or who's around.

Timbaland featuring Missy Elliot, Justin Timberlake, and Dr. Dre: Bounce
First, we have Timbaland:
Let me see them big titties, don't act saddity you ain't pretty
Break bread if you wanna get wit' me, all I wanna do is dig off in them kidneys

Not so bad except for that whole kidney thing (which just sounds brutal), but then Justin Timberlake adds this gem in the chorus:

Bounce – Like yo’ ass had the hiccups

Who the hell thought of that? Also, what kind of ass gets hiccups? Because a hiccupping ass seems like a pre-cursor to some kind of horrifying digestive malady. For the record, I definitely prefer the Step Up 2 remix of this song by DJ MaXuS.

30 Seconds to Mars: Attack
Run away, run away, I'll attack
Run away, run away, go chase yourself
Run away, run away, now I'll attack
I'll attack, I'll aa-WHOOOAAAAAAAAA

I really, really dig this song... that is, until that last part of the chorus. That shit kills the entire song -- and not in a good way. Jared Leto should be ashamed of that. Hell, that motherfucker should be ashamed of the entire last album 30STM put out.

Katy Perry Featuring Kanye West: E.T.
Cop a Prada spacesuit about the stars
Getting stupid ass straight out the jar
Pockets on Shrek, Rockets on deck
Tell me what's next, alien sex
I'mma disrobe you, than I'mma probe you

I play this song in the car a lot because it's pretty rad. But Kanye, as always, is fucking ridiculous. “Alien sex”? Think about alien STDs, man. That itch? It’s not an itch: it’s your skin melting off and turning into sentient parasites. Kind of like Cloverfield, but somehow worse. All because you decided to probe an alien. Idiot.

Tool: Die Eier Von Satan
Die Eier Von Satan
Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker
Ein Viertel Teelöffel Salz
Eine Messerspitze türkisches Haschisch
Ein halbes Pfund Butter
Ein Teelöffel Vanillenzucker
Ein halbes Pfund Mehl
Einhundertfünfzig Gramm gemahlene Nüsse
Ein wenig extra Staubzucker
... und keine Eier

In eine Schüssel geben
Butter einrühren
Gemahlene Nüsse zugeben und
Den Teig verkneten

Augenballgroße Stücke vom Teig formen
Im Staubzucker wälzen und
Sagt die Zauberwörter
Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim

Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und
Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und

Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und
Keine Eier ...

Why, yes, that is, in fact, the ENTIRE SONG.I fucking love it. Love, love, love, LOVE IT. The lyrics, which are in German and rather absurd considering what the music itself sounds like, are exactly WHY I love it:

The Eggs/Balls of Satan
Half a cup of powdered sugar
One quarter teaspoon salt
One knife tip Turkish hash
Half a pound butter
One teaspoon vanilla-sugar
Half a pound flour
150 g ground nuts
A little extra powdered sugar
... and no eggs

Place in a bowl
Add butter
Add the ground nuts and
Knead the dough

Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough
Roll in the powdered sugar
and say the Magic Words:
"Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim"

Place on a greased baking pan and
Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes

Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...and no eggs.

I have no fucking clue of how many servings this makes, but the fact that THIS is the translation to a song that sounds downright sinister amuses me to no end – especially when I blast it in my car on a sunny day with the windows down, within earshot of the entirely way too wholesome neighbors.

4 comments (+add yours?)

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Like you was drivin in my piiiiick-uuup.

I always thought that song was ridonk.

Also, theres this show called GEEK CHICKS you may have heard of? This week they talk about the lyrics of "ET". Heads up, bro.

Doria said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Nice list! :)

light208 said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Brilliant. This made me laugh out loud - as a result I had to share it with my housemate to explain. I may have to get Tool: Die Eier Von Satan now.

thelexhex said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I cannot recommend Die Eier Von Satan enough. Seriously, it's one of the best things since the advent of modern plumbing.

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