Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #15: The sky is falling!

Damn you, sleep deprivation! It’s a good thing that it’s Tuesday, because there’s no way in hell I would be able to come up with anything to post other than

randomtuesday
You know the drill
  • Dropped Midget off at school this morning and the world looked normal. On the drive home, it got hella dark and snow and ice fucking poured out of the sky. Think Niagra Falls – only frozen.
  • Naturally there were plenty of idiots speeding and tailgating. Sorry, but there’s no way in shit I will ever go 45 mph when it’s snowing so hard that visibility is an issue.
  • I have been binge-gaming on MvC3 ever since it arrived over the weekend. Is it as awesome as I hoped it would be? Fuck yes!
Dark Phoenix FTW.
  • The above screenshot is kind of funny... (if you truly know Jeremy and myself, you understand.)
  • It goes without saying that my efforts to finish Alan Wake have, once again, been derailed.
  • Jeremy spent all of last week with a severe man cold. It sucked. (In fact, he's still sick. Lame.)
  • I got bored last week, so I set up a Formspring account.
  • Picked up volume one of The Walking Dead graphic novel a few weeks back. I completely forgot about it until I spotted Jeremy reading it. Apparently it is way different from the show.
  • I’ll read it eventually.
  • Oh, shit – we’re going to have to pick up some more Shirtless Kirk soon.
  • WTF is up with the kids on Sid the Science Kid? With the exception of Sid, his classmates all seem… off. Especially the bespectacled girl. What the hell is wrong with her??

mastudios.com
GAH!
  • Both of the girls are hitting some mad growth-spurts. Last week they were eating almost non-stop. Remember Unicron from Transformers: The Movie? It was like that – only a little prettier.
  • So, I’m thinking that Jeremy and I should go through our Fantastic Four comic books and sell them, especially now that the Human Torch is dead and the series is ending and re-launching (as Future Foundation) next month...
I was going to type up a nice, neat conclusion here, but I have been side-tracked by this Special Agent Oso crap. It’s the first time I have seen this, and I sincerely hope it will be the last. It’s awful. So, on that note, I’m out. Join me in a week – I might have a good story about shoveling my driveway like a boss. Then again, maybe I won’t. Hrrmmm…

Sunday, February 20, 2011

The man cold

Jeremy has been sick for about a week now, as he has caught the Man Cold from Hades. There has been so much hacking and coughing, accompanied by many sleepless nights, alarmingly rapid tissue consumption, VapoRub, and chicken soup. It’s amazing how such a strong, capable man can be reduced to a sniffling heap in just a matter of hours and remain that way for days.

The same can be said about anyone, but, really, there’s no denying that men and women handle the common cold quite differently. Chicks, man. We somehow power through it, even when we’re half-dead. Especially those of us who stay home with the kids. No choice – suck it up, change the diapers or pull-ups, provide the meals, some entertainment. Bathe them, put them to bed. Die from snot inhalation.

A dude gets sick, and holy hell, it’s an entirely different story. It’s just like that Nyquil (or is it Dayquil?) commercial that has been airing. Have you seen it? It features a sad looking bloke crumpled on the sofa, half sobbing that he can’t reach the remote – which is less than a foot away from him. His girl walks by and hands him the box of medicine. Obligatory disembodied voice declares that this particular drug "even works on the man cold." Cue next advertisement. Or, rather, this video, because it is uncannily accurate.

When it comes to the man cold NOTHING WORKS. Not even Dayquil. Or Nyquil. I bought a giant bottle of that shit a few days ago and the Man Cold from Hades is still here, still going strong (false advertising!!). My big, burly husband is a pile of body aches and phlegm, distressed because somehow, he is unable to reach that one spot under his shoulder blade that itches, even though his arms are the same length as they were before he became ill.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #14: The agony of defeat

Couples everywhere are figuratively hung over from last night’s love fest(s), seasonal candies are going on clearance, and many game nerds all over the country are playing the shit out of Marvel vs Capcom 3 today. Not me, though, which gives me all the more time for *cue epic music*:

randomtuesday
Remember, this is Keely's monster. Go visit her!

  • So, my dumb-ass forgot to pre-order the special edition of MvC 3, and that means that I have to wait a week before I get my copy. I could buckle and buy the regular version, but getting a nicer package and two extra characters for free is kind of a big deal. Regardless, I’m pretty pissed at myself right now.
  • EPIC FAIL! Argh!!
  • I keep telling myself that at least I can use the time to finally finish Alan Wake, but it’s just not the same. Alan Wake, as cool as it is, is absolutely EXHAUSTING to play. Don’t ask me why – maybe it’s the length of the episodes, or maybe it’s all of that running the fuck away from Taken constantly (which is surprisingly stressful), but, yeah. I play it and I get bloody tired!
  • Munchkin talks in her sleep and it’s amusing and weird. She’s in that weird phase of talking where you really have to have a trained ear to understand her because she doesn’t enunciate certain syllables. This means that her nighttime ramblings are completely incoherent, even to Jeremy and I.
  • Jeremy talks in his sleep, too. It’s nothing like that Sleep Talkin’ Man bloke; it’s super sporadic, unintelligible mumbling with an occasional real word or phrase. Last week he said, “Hey,” very clearly.
  • On the subject of my husband, he ended up getting HELLA sick. He spent the vast majority of yesterday in a half-conscious stupor of snot and body aches. Weak sauce.
  • One of the best things I have seen in a long time: Midget doing The Creep. It’s one of the best things ever.
    Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
  • Gina Carano is finally returning to MMA later this year! I hope she wins her fight; that would be really lame if she gets her ass kicked straightaway.
  • Midget got a ridiculous amount of candy for Valentine’s Day. I honestly cannot believe how much candy she came home with. It’s like Halloween up in this bitch.
  • A few nights ago I dreamt that Gizmo had rabies and we had to put him down. I wasn’t at all distressed by this dream because in all honesty I believe that he is too stupid to contract the disease. (Having him vaccinated also helps.)
  • My newest television addiction: Beyond Scared Straight. The best part is that out of the episodes that I watched a few days ago, the male inmates were all “Let’s talk about our feelings,” whereas the female inmates (who were hella butch, btw) were like, “BITCH! I’mma tear your ass UP!! Smile again!! DO IT!!!”

I think that about wraps up my randomness for this week. Until next time…

Thursday, February 10, 2011

My silly "coming out" party

I’m taking a big risk with this post, but whatever.

I’ve dealt with depression for pretty much my entire adult life. Prosac, Zoloft, an extremely short stint on celexa, wellbutrin… I’ve had to take a lot of different medications to treat this shit, and I have had no problem whatsoever saying “Yeah, I’m clinically depressed.” Of all the things that can go wrong inside somebody’s head, depression seems to be the most acceptable among the masses. Saying that you’re depressed won’t necessarily yield a back-away-slowly reaction from friends and family. They may not understand how being “sad” is something that should be treated with medication, but they won’t think of you as totally batshit crazy.

Saying that you have any form of bipolar disorder, however, can yield some rather unflattering labels – even from those closest to you.

I haven’t really talked about being bipolar partly because of the stigma that surrounds the word.

“Bipolar.”

It just sounds nasty.

I am actually not classic (is that how they refer to it?) bipolar – I have bipolar II disorder, which is characterized by major depressive episodes, mood swings, and “hypo-mania,” the latter being something that I’m still having trouble defining. I guess my sudden need to dye my hair two weeks ago could be called a hypo-manic episode, but I’m not entirely sure.

The depression aspect of this disorder isn’t that bad (for me, anyway). I’ve grown used to my bouts with soul-crushing sadness and I can usually drown them by eating an entire green bean casserole, downing a few Mountain Dews, and watching some television or something. The mood swings, however, those are what get me. I can go from completely calm to outright enraged in a matter of seconds. I’m taking a mood stabilizer to combat this, but treating it isn’t that simple. I can’t take a pill and eradicate the condition completely, as much as I would fucking LOVE to. That would make things so much easier, wouldn’t it?


http://shadowrose013.deviantart.com/
My daughters are the ones who suffer most because of this. I have come to call my angered states “grumpy mommy” when dealing with them. “You don’t want to deal with grumpy mommy, do you? Please pick up your toys.” It’s fucking heartbreaking, man, because as much as I want to control it, to suppress the horror that comes with the sudden mood changes, I can’t. I try really, really hard, but somehow I always fall short. At least, this is the case when I’m dealing with my own family in our own home; when it comes to other people and their families it sort of fizzles. It’s still there, that tendency to fly off the handle, but I suppose it gets squashed by trying to make a good impression, or something -- to NOT be thought of as insane by the outside world. And therein lies the problem, I guess. My daughters are going to be traumatized by my behavior because they are the ones who have to LIVE with it. Because when I’m at home, I’m in my supposed comfort zone so there’s less need to front like a shiny happy person. As much as I want to keep that illusion alive AT ALL TIMES, it’s just impossible. So, the girls – unfortunately – are privy to the not-so-awesome aspects of their mom, and it is a massive part of why they prefer their daddy. I’m sure that when they are older the phrase, “My mom is a bipolar bitch” will inevitably escape their lips – I’ve definitely said that about my own mom many, many, many, many, many times.

With that said, I find the genetic aspect of this disorder terrifying. My mom, though never officially diagnosed, is all kinds of bipolar – not bipolar II, just straight-up bipolar. Instead of taking medication, or even seeing a shrink, she chooses to mellow out in a different sort of way, if you catch my drift. For the record, it doesn’t work. Knowing that there’s even a slight possibility of either Midget or Munchkin (or both!) being afflicted with this when they are older scares the shit out of me. Sure, having somebody around to talk to who “gets it” is helpful, but sometimes it’s just not enough.

I’m not entirely sure of why I’m publicly stating that I’m mentally ill. (Argh, that sounds so dreadful!!!!) I think it all goes back to that post from The Bloggess that I talked about a week or two ago, as well as the desire to not have to hide shit on my own damn blog. Remember what I said about that filter? Totally unnecessary at this point in my life. Regardless of the reason, I suppose I should now state the obvious: that this doesn’t define me. It’s part of me, sure, but it sure as hell isn’t all of me. Before I close this out, I’m going to point you to Michael Kimber’s Colony of Losers. His video about mental illness might be a little… dramatic, but he does make a couple of good points.

So, now that I’ve put this out there, you can feel free to back away slowly.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #13: Night sweats and nosebleeds

Trying to compose these intro sentences and paragraphs is starting to wear on my brain, cementing why I am not a writer. In any case, you know what’s up:

randomtuesday
It's all Keely's fault (but that's not a bad thing).
  • I’m pretty sure that I am falling apart. I have been having severe night sweats for some time now (it’s gross), I’ve been bruising easier and easier, and last night I had a double nosebleed. It wasn’t even the flowing kind – it was the stuff that coagulates and blocks your nasal passages, like, immediately. Not to mention my stupid hand eczema is flaring up again.
  • 4. Itchy. Tasty.
  • Only one week to go until Marvel vs. Capcom 3 drops!!! 
  • Jeremy and I watched Eclipse over the weekend and absolutely hated it. It was the most watchable of the three Twilight films, but BLOODY HELL. I laughed so hard at the menu that I almost cried. Like much of the film, I don't think it was supposed to be funny... 
LOLZ
  • Furthermore, if these Twilight movies are such cash cows, why don’t they do something about the special effects budget? That CG shot of Seattle was pretty painful.
  • Underwater vampires.
  • I always feel like the biggest asshole in the world when I let the girls watch more than thirty minutes of telly a day. They seriously can’t get enough of the shit. Midget will even ask me if her and her sister can watch tv when they get home from where ever. Sigh.
  • I had to take Munchkin with me to see my shrink this morning. This is not the first time she’s had to tag along, but, wow. She was in top form as she picked apart one of the plants in the room, tried to show the dr. a pseudo booger (she put tissue to her face), at one point shouted at him, “HEY YOU,” and sat on one arm of the chair asking him about his notes.
  • My homie down in the OC sent me an awesome package for a Valentine’s Day swap. She made the girls each a little stuffy (Midget got a ninja that she slept with last night and Munchkin got an amigurumi jellyfish that she tried to tie around her waist) and enclosed goodie bags with candies in them. The needle-felted Jack Skellington though? Motherfucking EPIC!!
  • I need to send out my part of the swap ASAP. I had run out of some supplies, which I was able to pick up this morning (yay for not being out of stock!!). The only bad thing is that I can never work on these sort of things until after the kids have gone to bed, otherwise my art supplies end up EVERYWHERE. Besides, who in the hell wants to deal with a hot glue gun around a curious toddler and a curious pre-schooler?
  • Related: I had to wash hella glitter off of Midget last night. HELLA

Okay, so I’m going to keep things short this week because the internet is having some issues today, and Munchkin is going ape-shit over every little thing. EVERY. LITTLE. THING. Gaaahhhh….!!!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #12: Seeing S.T.A.R.S.

Once upon a time, there was a chick called Lex who had way too much shit swimming around in her head, and not enough time or patience to turn any of it into a coherent blog post.

randomtuesday
Do eeeet.
  • I have dyed my hair entirely too much in the last week. What was supposed to be a simple change from brown to purple somehow went terribly, horrifically wrong. At one point it was so bad that I REQUIRED my amazingly awesome S.T.A.R.S. cap to even leave the house. As much as I fucking love that hat, it has never been a necessity before. 
  • Final hair colour after all of the fuckery: brown-burgundy. It’s hella dark, hella cute. Hella safe. 
  • Chevelle is a terribly underrated band. Terribly. UNDERRATED. 
  • Both girls had a bout with "mild" gastroenteritis last week and it was straight up brutal. It didn’t come on until one in the morning for Midget; we stayed up almost the whole night as she vomited repeatedly at completely random intervals. Two days later, it was Munchkin’s turn to do the same thing. Fucking awful, man. (I got hit with it yesterday and I still feel like I am dying. Poor girls!!
  • Henry Cavill has been cast as Superman. I don’t know how I feel about this yet, probably because I have been watching Tom Welling fill the role on Smallville for so many years now. Whatever; I dig Zack Snyder movies. I’m confident that his Superman will bring it. 
  • Speaking of Zack Snyder movies, I really want to see Sucker Punch. Who’s with me? 
  • I will have lived in my house for a year as of April, and there isn’t a single photo hanging up anywhere. I need to change this, and fast. 
This NEEDS to be hanging up somewhere.
  • Hey, remember that phantom smell I was bitching about for weeks? It stopped – after I quit the wellbutrin! My doctor is probably going to be like, “WTF?!” but I’d rather be prone to bouts of sadness than pull my hair out trying to figure out why everything smells like an ashtray. 
  • We have one of those self-closing metal gates that the top of our stairs, and Midget has figured out how to open it. This is absolutely fucking terrifying for obvious reasons. 
  • Might have a dinner guest over later this week. That means that I have to scrub the house up and down and make sure that all traces of a struggle have been eradicated. 
  • A three-book set of Yoshitaka Amano’s Final Fantasy artwork is being released in May. It’s going to retail for 129.99 but I want it!!! 
  • The Suicide Girls are getting a comic. What the fuck, Universe?! 
idwpublishing.com
There is no God.
Man, oh, man. Oh, man. I’m still hella out of if thanks to yesterday’s excruciating fun and games. I’m not coherent enough to type out an elaborately articulate closing paragraph. Stay classy, folks.