Tuesday, August 21, 2012


Last year, I wrote a quick post about Jeremy and I being together for a million years, and how we’re hella fucking boss because of that. And even though today marks our ten-year wedding anniversary (for a total of fourteen years together), this post isn’t going to be a poignant, witty, or insightful musing about love and what it means to be together despite numerous people saying and thinking that it would never last (not that last year’s post was, either). Instead, I’m going to tell you a story:

Every year I secretly pride myself for being on top of the whole anniversary gig: I always have a nice gift, a sappy card, and an even sappier grin at the ready. Naturally, for the rather significant milestone of reaching ten married years together, I was going to have some epic shit done. I was going to have a sappy card – maybe with glitter – and a cool gift, and a much sappier grin than ever thought possible; it was going to be grand! But, then, well… something happened. Somewhere along the line, I got to thinking about how, because I’m doing the stay-at-home thing and not pulling in a supplemental income, Jeremy would technically be buying his own gift. Add to that the fact that he bought me a nice, shiny new wedding ring to replace my old one (this was my early anniversary gift, purchased at the start of the month), and I was extremely apprehensive about spending a damn thing.

So, with that in mind, I decided that instead of looking for something to buy (with his money, no less), I would use my artsy-crafty skills to MAKE something. So what if I haven’t drawn anything in, like, a year? Or crafted anything other than some magnets a few months ago? I would pull this shit off, and it would be motherfucking EPIC!!!!




…A COMPLETE mystery, because I had NO idea of what to do or even where to start.

Over the course of several weeks I racked my brain for ideas, downed enough Mountain Dew to kill a small to medium-sized animal, and lamented my complete and utter lack of direction. In fact, I almost considered giving up until a wayward comment from Jeremy, followed by some suggestions from a good friend of mine, came together to finally form an idea! It would be cute, and sentimental, and something that might be somehow meaningful to Jeremy and I! It would be great!

So, I finally had a concrete project to put together; unfortunately, the idea came to me just under two days before the big day. That’s not a whole lot of time to work with when you consider that whole job thing – you know, keeping the house clean, the laundry laundered, and the kids alive. Also worth mentioning is that small children and secret projects just can’t coexist -- at all. Nevertheless, I set to work, and after hours of rough sketching, and erasing, and more rough sketching, and more erasing, and EVEN MORE ERASING, it occurred to me that despite having several bins and bags of art supplies, I didn't have the material(s) that I needed for this project:

A goddamned shadowbox frame.

With zero opportunity to set out and buy the aforementioned object, I continued my frantic cycle of drawing and erasing because I figured that maybe – just maybe – I stood a chance of getting this damn thing at least 75% done before the end of the night. Then I would get the frame in the morning while Jeremy was at work, and he would come home to a finished gift, primed and ready on our actual anniversary. I was totally cutting it close, but the goal actually was attainable.

By the time midnight rolled around, I was only about 20% done with the damn thing. On top of that, Jeremy had come down with a case of Man Flu, and was definitely not going to be going into the office.


Then the half-dead Jeremy – who, by the way, never buys cards – produced not only a card, but some flowers and a copy of Lollipop Chainsaw from thin air.

Fuuuuuuuuck! (But, also AWESOME!)

So, as of this writing, I’m STILL not done with his gift, but I did manage to procure that blasted frame (and a couple of other things); I should be good to go.

…In theory, anyway.

Luckily, my husband isn't at all materialistic, and he has repeatedly assured me that my gift being incomplete is okay -- which is great, even though I, myself, am super disappointed about it. But hey, at least I have my sappy card, and my even sappier grin to fall back on.

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