Thursday, January 31, 2013

A weird little ball with a weird little name

I have a fibroadenoma that I named Nacho.

I found out about it back in November (the day before Thanksgiving to be precise), had an ultrasound about a week and a half later, and then elected to have a needle biopsy a couple of days before New Year’s Eve.

I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to worry anyone – especially not after everything with Jeremy.

So, why say something now, you ask? Because I'm tired of not being able to speak freely about the little bastard. I have a weird little ball in my boob that has a weird little name (because I was being cheeky) that just sits about being all weird and shit. I feel like I shouldn't have to censor myself anymore, especially when I feel like marveling about how, once again, my own body has decided to troll me.

Anyway, so, yeah.My OB wanted me to have a mammogram because I’m “at that in-between age” but the imaging center’s policy was ultrasound first, mammo if something weird turns up during the U/S. Well, nothing weird turned up, and the doctor and techs were like, “Pfft, you’re good. Follow up in six months to make sure it hasn’t grown.”

High-five for that, right?

About a week or so later the formal letter came in the mail and proclaimed – IN ALL CAPS – that my results were “95% BENIGN.” Which is, of course, great news! But, because I’m out of my goddamn mind, the wheels of worry began to turn: There was a 5% chance that this could be something else; how could they possibly know what it was for sure without some kind of tissue sample, and let’s not forget that my otherwise healthy husband just had thyroid cancer that was discovered purely on luck! Shitshitshit! I tried to tell myself that I was being silly – I really did – but Nacho was seriously freaking me the fuck out because suddenly it felt like it had grown to be the size of Texas (it hadn't). I needed to know if it was friend or foe, and getting stabbed in the tit a few times was really my only option.
Lucky for me my experience working for a veterinarian paid off because I knew exactly what to expect going into the procedure. A needle biopsy is a needle biopsy is a needle biopsy, regardless of species. There will always be a big needle (derp), and a jar of formalin for the sample(s), and the amazing substance known as Lidocaine, which is borderline magical but stings like a bitch before it takes hold.

Knowing is half the battle folks, and now you know about Nacho, the power of my neurosis (pfft, as if you didn't know that already) and what to expect for needle biopsies!

So, high-five for that!


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