Thursday, October 28, 2010

A Quick Note

Okay, so, clearly, things here look waaay different than the last time you visited, right? I decided to go ahead and update my template, but with new templates come all sorts of headaches: reconfiguring widgets, tweaking code, making sure links within said code are working, etc. etc. Of course, I am a lazy bastard and I am prone to getting distracted by things like my kids not going to bed, or my husband groping me, or whatever's on telly (if it's interesting), so some stuff may not work right away. Just know that I know, and that I'm working on it (sort of) and, eventually, this space will be fully functional and just might resemble a REAL web page.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Happy Birthday Nagi

Today would have been the tenth birthday of my super awesome fat homo cat, Nagi, who passed away in January of 2009. I know that it’s probably a weird thing to blog about – the birthday of a long dead cat, but whatever. That cat was more human than about 95% of the people I have met throughout my life, so I think that writing about him is totally allowed and not weird or anything.


See, the thing about Nagi’s death is that it was untimely; even though he was classified as “geriatric” he was still pretty young when he passed – he had only turned eight a few months prior. Unfortunately, he had a giant tumor growing behind his sternum that nobody knew about until our veterinarian was kind enough to perform a necropsy for me (and even he was blown away by his findings; the tumor was roughly the size of an adult male fist). Said tumor ruptured and bled out one night, causing the cat to scream before literally dropping dead just outside of my bedroom. (Can I just say that the sound of death is absolutely terrifying? Because it is.)

It goes without saying that when I think about Nagi, I like to push the image of his still warm corpse out of my mind as much as possible -- it's just one of those things that I like to do. Even though a lot of people knew him as surly and a little unfriendly, Nagi  was actually an amazing guy. Very smart, very loving, and very loyal. After a shitty day at work he was always there to steal my side of the bed and violate my personal space. It was like having an enormous, gay pillow… with feet!

It really didn't get much better than this.
Unfortunately, Nagi’s death had one other lasting effect: it left us with Gizmo. 

Gizmo is a cat that my husband and I adopted from the Humane Society during my six month stint under their employment. He was only four months old at the time, and extremely cute. He also had the terrible misfortune of being dubbed Papa DeChulo before being abandoned in front of the shelter in a cat carrier. He took to my husband immediately, which was part of why we brought him home with us (the other reason we adopted him was because we thought that Nagi was lonely). Little did we know was that the Artist Formerly Known as Papi Chulo was -- IS -- dumb. Like, seriously DUMB. I think back to Nagi, and then I look at Gizmo, who flips out and thinks that he’s starving to death if even the slightest bit of the bottom of his food bowl is visible under his food, and I can’t help but to ask, “What the fuck happened to YOU?!” 

Don’t get me wrong: Gizmo is a great cat in his own way – he’s extremely good with children, which is more than I can say about Nagi, who was absolutely terrible with the wee ones, and he’s really sweet, but other than that, Giz just doesn’t have a whole lot of redeeming qualities. He is extremely jumpy (shittiest guard cat ever), he has yet to grasp the whole concept of “Come here,” and his breath is horrible. He has also taken to sleeping on my head, which would be extremely endearing if it didn’t involve his massive, half-maine coon body stretching out over my pillow and barely leaving room for my goddamn head. Also, he is almost six years old and has no idea how to open a door. What the shit kind of cat can’t figure out how to pry a door open with their paw(s)?!

Oh. Right.

Gizmo is very dear to me, but the sad truth is that I can’t look at him without thinking about how great Nagi was, and how very much I still miss that son of a bitch.

Cheers, Nagi-bear.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Fuck Yes!

It's been a long, long time since I have been awarded anything other than a poopy diaper or sleep deprivation, so imagine my surprise when the fabulous Sam over at Rot du Jour sent this, the One Lovely Blog Award, my way!

I seriously never thought that the word "lovely" would ever be associated with the internet space for my acerbic and nonsensical ramblings. Also, I never thought that more than three or four people NOT related to me would ever read this shit to begin with! This totally qualifies as double rainbow, right??

Monday, October 4, 2010

Life Lessons from 90210

90210 is a guilty pleasure show for a reason. I mean, it’s a teen drama about rich kids. (Then again, I think all of today’s teen dramas feature rich kids, don’t they?) It doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is kind of cool, but at the same time, some of its plot threads are so far out there that I can’t even watch it with a straight face. In spite of this, the show does offer its target teen audience some valuable life lessons:
  • You can totally commit vehicular homicide and get away with it! The worst that will happen to you? Three months house-arrest and seven to eight years on probation! For KILLING someone -- and driving drunk! So go run some fuckers down; it'll be rad!
I'm a killer! w00t w00t
  • It’s okay to steal from the dead. Especially if the dead was a singer/songwriter. Take their shit, claim it as your own, and everybody will love you. (Though it does look like Adrianna is going to face the consequences for this... maybe. We'll see.)
  • Planting cocaine in a schoolmate’s locker is perfectly acceptable.
  • Get drunk in public. Especially if you are underage. It’s awesome since nobody ever asks for ID.
  • Running from the cops is super fun, especially since they are too incompetent to actually catch you!
  • Do not trust anyone with an accent, particularly if said accent is English. 
See these blokes? EVIL. (Especially lefty.)
  • Every relationship in the universe is doomed. Doomed, goddammit!!
I wonder what tonight's episode is going to teach us?