Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts #03: The Cake has been delayed

Last week’s freak snowstorm seriously fucked up my shit, as anybody who follows me on Twitter probably already knows. I have no idea what that has to do with this week’s installment of Random Tuesday Thoughts. Onward!

  • I STILL haven’t seen Deathly Hallows.
  • The term “jeggings” makes me almost unreasonably angry.
  • I told Jeremy to get me Marvel vs. Capcom 3 as my Valentine’s gift. Nothing says “I love you” quite like stringing together crazy 30+ hit combos and farming Achievements.
  • Portal 2 was originally supposed to be out in February as well. Sadly, Valve pushed it back to an April release. This makes me a sad panda.
Vital testing apparatus destroyed.
  • Had another dream about the zombie apocalypse last week. In this one I was infected, and really, really pissed off about it.
  • My hair went from “Pretty Decent” to “Cousin It” seemingly out of nowhere.
  • I found an awesome picture of Dave Chappelle as Prince that I am inserting here for your viewing pleasure, as well as mine.

  • I was supposed to get a tattoo in July. It’s almost December. What the fuck?
  • For days now, I have been smelling cigarette smoke for no apparent reason. I don’t smoke. No one around me smokes. I’ll be minding my own business and then, BAM – my nasal passages start hallucinating. Always happens around the same time and while I’m in the same place – in my goddamn living room. It’s getting really annoying.
  • I have slathered the tip of my nose with deodorant more than a few times in an effort to get the above described phantom smell to stop. This is either really clever, or really sad. Probably the latter because the smell is a reoccurring phenomenon. 
  • Dexter fans who are current on Season 5: Did shit get real or did shit get real?! The weekly wait between episodes is almost painful...

And that is it for this week's randomness. Stay classy, folks~

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts #02: Buffy reboot needs to DIAF

Awww, shit! Get your towels ready, it’s … wait a minute. It’s not about to go down – I just have "I’m On A Boat" stuck in my head (as usual). With that said, it’s time for a new installment of Random Tuesday Thoughts! Weeee!

  • I’m finally supposed to see Deathly Hallows tonight. We’ll see what happens though – I was supposed to see it last night, but it started snowing, and my all-weather tires decided that they weren’t all-weather enough for snowy weather. Driving around with almost no traction whatsoever just to see Harry Potter is… well, honestly, I totally would have done it if my husband hadn’t stepped in as the voice of reason, as he is prone to doing.
  • On the subject of my husband, I had not truly lived until I saw him randomly tour jeté into our goddamn living room over the weekend. He did it to get a laugh out of the girls but I’m pretty sure that I enjoyed it much more than they did.
  • There’s a line at the end of Beauty and the Beast that has always bothered the shit out of me. It’s right after the Beast transforms back to his human self. Do you know what I’m talking about here? He looks at Belle and says, “It’s ME!” to which she replies (after playing with his hair a little bit before looking into his eyes) “It IS you!” Really, Belle? Even though you just saw him change back to his human self it took a quick glance at his baby blues to confirm that the guy in front of you, who happens to be wearing the exact same clothes as the Beast you just cried over, is in fact the Beast you just cried over? I thought they said Belle was SMART.
Durrpa durrrrrr...
  • The song "This is Hardcore" by Pulp is seriously one of the most awesome songs in history. It’s also one of the dirtiest. Seriously, listen to thoses lyrics, man! Or Google them, whatever. Either way, the song itself is the shit.
  • I haven’t uploaded any new art to my deviantART account since August. Before that, it was May. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to renew my membership every year.
  • I walked by a magazine that had a photo of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, with a big bold headline that said something about them getting married. Good for them and all, but I have to be honest: they look like the most boring couple on the planet; like their idea of a good time is renting a Rug Doctor.
  • Munchkin’s vocabulary has exploded over the last few weeks, and it’s pretty awesome. Seriously, the day after her birthday she started stringing together two and three word sentences with ease. I love that we can all somewhat understand her now, because that pointing and grunting thing was getting old.
  • Midget is having some sort of holiday program at her pre-school, so she has been practicing assorted holiday songs with her schoolmates for the last couple of weeks. There’s something insanely cute about her off-key rendition of "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas." I can’t wait to see the actual performance.
  • I took Gizmo for his annual check-up over the weekend because I’ve been really slack on that shit. So slack, that, like… he was due for his distemper vaccine some time last year. Oddly enough, I was told by this new vet that Gizmo should lose two pounds. The cat is a fucking beanpole. He is also part Maine Coon (the largest domestic breed of cat) so he’s supposed to be LARGE.
  • FUCK the newly greenlit Buffy reboot! No Whedon, no Buffy. Period.
  • Magic… muthafucka! (Ten points to anyone who knows what I’m even talking about here.)
  • I found a plethora of left over blue hair dye under my sink last week. It made me miss my dye jobs. Maybe I’ll channel some Illyria (Wut up, Angel fans?!) up in this bitch and streak it… just so that the dye doesn’t go to waste.
  • Blogger is fucking up my shit -- big time. It's always changing my goddamn font and giving me other formatting issues. Getting pretty pissed here.
  • I seriously refuse to put the goddamn cat on a diet.
So, that’s it for this week. Enjoy your Thanksgiving, crackers!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts (AKA Oh, shit, I'm participating in a blog meme)

So, there’s this blogger called Keely, AKA the Un-Mom, and she has this thing – Random Tuesday Thoughts. I’m going to give it a go, because it’s Tuesday, and there’s a lot of random shit swimming around in my head at the moment. So... let's do this:


  • I read an article in Game Informer magazine last week about the thirty most influential videogame characters of the last decade. It was retarded. Influential in what way? Were these numbers picked at random or are they actual ranks? Because if they are ranks, GLaDOS has no business in the number one spot. Don't get me wrong; I love me some Portal, and GLaDOS is awesome, but come on. There were also numerous omissions (Marcus Fenix, where art thou?), and, well, the whole thing was just very poorly put together. It was lame.
  • My front lawn is absolutely out of control. Every time myself or my husband resolve to mow the damn thing, it rains. And rains. And rains. It rains so much that even when it’s not raining, the ground is still soaked through. We seriously have the worst grass on the block. I have no idea how everyone else around here gets their lawns to look perfect. They must all have pacts with the devil or something.
  • Speaking of neighbors, I saw Pajama Guy the other day. Wearing the same stupid pajama pants. They are dreadful.
  • Interacting with moms that I don’t know is terrifying. This was reinforced when I went to the birthday party of a good friend’s daughter last weekend. The moms with the babies strapped to them seemed especially frightening. I totally lucked out when I met that Selby Chick!
  • Munchkin’s sleep schedule has gone completely ape-shit, and it’s driving me nuts. She actually woke up at three a.m. a couple of times. Fucking three a.m. No clue why this is happening, but it better stop soon. Or else I’ll just get grumpier than I already am.
  • And, finally, if I have to wait until the blu-ray release to see Deathly Hallows Pt.1 I will punch somebody in the face. Seriously. Not joking here.

Absolutely CANNOT miss this!!
These are the things I think about when I’m up at all hours of the night. Pure genius, I know.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I Spy

I wouldn’t classify myself as a nosy person. When talking to my friends I wait for them to tell me things -- I don't prod for details unless it's something huge. I keep to myself and rarely interact with my neighbors. Maybe it's because sometimes I wonder if anybody around here is stashing hookers in their crawl spaces, because places that appear to be perfect rarely are, but I digress.

Anyway, now that we’ve established how not nosy I am, let’s talk about tonight. I was sorting this crazy mountain of laundry that had accumulated in the upstairs foyer over the last two weeks and came across some clothes that Munchkin had grown out of. I went to place said clothes into the “Charity or Care Package?” basket in our future library/office, which is a total train wreck of a room right now, and noticed an ass-ton of coloured lights streaming in through the currently bare windows. (No window treatments yet...) So, I walk over to the basket as planned but can’t help but notice two EMS trucks directly across the street from my house. I left the room and stupidly asked my husband, who was cooking dinner at the time, if he knew that the trucks were there. Of course he didn’t know – he was in the goddamn kitchen!

Back to the sorting I went, taking clothes from room to room, closet to closet. Folding pants, matching socks, throwing away fabric softener sheets… and then I HAD to see what was going on outside! I finished with the clothing and turned off every light upstairs so that I could creep back into the office like a fucking ninja. I crouched on the floor under the window and peered out, waiting to get some kind of visual clue as to what the hell happened.

I felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

Here I was, crouched under my own window, in the dark, watching the EMTs carry the old man I see almost daily down the stairs and onto a stretcher, all the while hoping that nobody would notice my giant bottom of a bottle glasses peering over the windowsill. I suppose that anyone would wonder what the hell was happening if they suddenly saw emergency vehicles and personnel swarming the house across their street, but still. Watching from afar in a darkened room seemed somehow… excessive, if not just plain wrong. Yet there I was, as bad as those idiot rubber-neckers who hold up traffic trying to get a glimpse of an accident on the other side of the road, hoping that the streetlamp outside wouldn’t give away my position.

And then, it happened.

Enter stage left: some random bloke in a white t-shirt and pajama pants waltzing over to the house, trying to look as casual as possible. In the dark. In his motherfucking pajamas.

I watched as he walked right up to the EMTs as they loaded the old man onto the stretcher. This guy was so obviously looking for a tasty chunk of  gossip information that it was kind of gross, really. I watched as he momentarily disappeared from sight (he walked behind one of the trucks) and then promptly reappeared, shot down and walking back toward his perfect -- possibly hooker-hiding -- house. Watching this asshole made me feel worlds better about myself, as my curiosity was hidden in a dark room as opposed to right up in some shit that, quite frankly, no one but the parties involved had any right to be up in.

I can only hope that the EMT he briefly spoke with – or even my incapacitated neighbor himself – told Pajama Guy to fuck off.