Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #29: Whatever with your "however"!

It’s post-Memorial Day, people. Not a whole lot going on in Random Land, but I’ll do my best to make this as painless as possible!

Gowon. Go see Stacy.
  • I FINALLY saw Thor yesterday! Fuck yeah!!! When the hell did Chris Hemsworth get so cut??
  • Jeremy and I took the wee ones to see Kung Fu Panda 2 over the weekend. Thankfully the theatre wasn’t that crowded, and the girls behaved exceptionally well.
  • Every time I see the trailer for Deathly Hallows Part 2 I get all teary-eyed. I need to remember to bring HELLA Kleenex with me when I go see it.
  • I watched Death Proof for the first time in a bazillion years a few nights ago. I don’t think I have ever publicly professed my undying love for that movie. I love everything about it; the dialogue, however, is what really knocks it out of the park (for me).
  • If you haven’t seen it, the clip below should be enough for you to consider watching it. If you have seen it, then wasn’t this scene awesome??

  • Some of the most memorable movie quotes I can think of come from Death Proof. I threw one up on Twitter when I was watching it and lost a few followers. Whoops. (LOL)
  • In case you’re wondering, the quote in question was: “I’mma bust a nut up in this bitch!!”
  • There’s this song by Dada Life called “Cookies With a Smile.” It absolutely cracks me up. The word “cookies” is an obvious metaphor for dick something else, and a lot of ladies would probably find the song rather offensive, but… IDK. I laugh when I hear it. There must be something wrong with me.
  • Midget does not understand the concept of “Quiet Time.” Or, rather, she does… she just doesn’t give a shit – and it drives me up the goddamn walls.
  • Speaking of walls, I felt all motivated to finish painting the unused bonus room a couple of weeks ago. I was interrupted by that pesky thing called dinner, and I haven’t been back to finish the job since.
  • I ordered a Honey Badger Don’t Care t-shirt. I can’t wait to get it; I am going to wear the balls off of that bitch! (Not that t-shirts have balls, but you get what I’m saying.)

My hero.
  • I love my headphones. What I do not love, however, is that even when I put them in and blast the shit out of my music I can still hear my damn kids during “Quiet Time”!

Okay, that’s everything I’ve got for this particular RTT. Hopefully I’ll purge something a little more interesting from my brain in a week. Or, hell, maybe I’ll find the time to create a full post about a single subject?!

That could be a possibility. We'll see...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Oh, Google. SMH.

I feel kind of bad for the legions people who stumble upon this blog via Google searches. Don’t get me wrong – I like getting traffic: it makes me feel like the things I publish here may actually matter to somebody out there somewhere.


Judging by the keywords I’m seeing in my traffic reports, people are finding my blog for all of the wrong reasons. Folks looking for an image of that sick-ass Sirius Black wanted poster from Prisoner of Azkaban keep stumbling upon my insanely introspective entry about my loss of artistic ability/inspiration, as is the case for the legions of folks who seek the lyrics to the old TGIF jingle that played on ABC back in the early ‘90s. (One of the worst ear-worms ever, I might add.) 

Obviously, it doesn’t end there. People searching for images of cornflakes are treated to my rage-filled entry about sex-offenders. “Video game girl characters get fucked” is bringing those particular miscreants to a post about empowered female protagonists who are doing everything but getting fucked.

I don’t even know what the shit “dwarf pussy willow” even means or how that’s even leading people to Dorkisms in the first place. And, honestly? It might be better not to know.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #28: It's you and me and an army of zombies!

Hey, ladies and gents, what’s going on? As you are aware, it is clearly time for:

Give Stacy some love!

  • I’m going to open up this week with a somewhat awkward admission: I’ve been in a hypo-manic state for a couple of weeks and it has culminated in a prescription for motherfucking valium. (If the pharmacists weren’t judging the fuck out of me before, they certainly must be now.)
  • Yeah, yeah, I know – there’s a huge move to try and break down the stigmas that surround mental health, but it’s still weird for me to openly talk about my bipolar disorder.
  • Not even gonna bother talking about the Rapture FAIL.
  • Jer’s vacation is over, so the somewhat relaxed days are now behind us. Meh.
  • E3 cometh. Meh times a million.
  • I tried Resident Evil 5 on Professional difficulty last week (there are some hefty achievement points for completing it on that difficulty). Holy fuck. One hit and you’re instantly in Dying status. Definitely going to need a human partner to pull it off because AI controlled Sheva did some hella stupid shit.
  • Went a little nuts downloading music a couple of nights ago. A life without music? Not worth living.
  • Lars Frederiksen: Army of Zombies. Girl In a Coma: pretty much anything. Ladytron: Ace of Hz (Tiesto Remix). You’re welcome.
  • Jeans kind of suck nowadays. It’s almost impossible to find a pair of non-skinny jeans.
  • Once again was accosted by a giant close up of a random vagina on deviantART’s frontpage over the weekend. There is nothing artistic about a randomly pierced outie. Srsly.
  • Bitches, man… SMH.
  • Finally got that haircut I’ve been putting off. It’s nice to not have the world completely obstructed by an overgrown fringe.
  • Munchkin got her haircut, as well. (Rather, her first professional haircut…) She was surprisingly well-behaved, as most attempts to comb her hair end in screaming, crying, and flailing. She now has this adorable Shirley Temple thing going on.
  • As a side note, there was a rather awkward pause when I gave the lady at the counter Munchkin’s name. (This is because she shares the same name as a character on a popular show that I have only heard about. People assume that I must be a big fan, but I’m not. Just to be clear, I picked her name before the show in question ever even aired.)
  • Feel free to take guesses -- just know that I won't reveal it even if you do get it right ;)

Okay, party people, I’ve gotta end this while I’m coherent enough to close it out with more than a “derp” and an ellipses. Come back next week for some more of my usual cringe-inducing musings. Until then, always remember:
It's not gay when it's in a three-way.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #27: That extra inch makes a huge difference

‘Sup, party people? Are you ready for this week’s Random? Cool~

Go say hi to Stacy -- she is absolutely fabulous ;)

  • First off, PSN is back up! Yay! My love affair with Portal 2 is within arm’s reach – just need to swap out that damn hard drive, first. Fucking DCU and its outright insane install requirements…
  • Speaking of DCU, my brother-in-law is so hooked on that shit that I seriously wonder if somebody is going to have to put together some kind of intervention. He actually flaked on coming over awhile back because he was doing raids.
  • I have been having fun with Google Analytics lately. Not that I didn’t enjoy it before, but the search terms bringing people to my little slice of the interwebs are becoming stranger and stranger. “Pee on steel,” “slutty Samus,” and, “why did my bunny suddenly attack me?” are among my favourites this month.
  • I bought my first anti-aging/skin firming cream a little over a month ago. I’m not sure if it’s making a huge difference, but if using that shit now can offer me any chance of not getting my mom’s jowls, I’ll take it.
  • Come to think of it, my dad has some pretty gnarly jowls going on, too…
  • The live-action Ambiguously Gay Duo skit that aired on SNL last week was brilliant. If you haven’t seen it by now, you have failed at life.

  • All of the shows I watch are ending for the season, with the exception of Smallville, which, of course, has ended forever. What on earth am I going to do with myself now??
  • My iPod was being a total asshole last week.
  • Munchkin has learned how to open the baby gate. I’m terrified.
  • The motorized blinds that were installed last week are fucking rad. I absolutely adore them.
  • Midget has hit this weird phase where everything is a battle. The simplest things have been turning into all out war – it’s ridiculous…ly stressful. Urrrgh.
  • Over the weekend, Jeremy measured the girls along one of the doorways in the house. Midget is 3’5”, Munchkin is 3’1.” Mind. Blown.
  • For shits and giggles, Jeremy measured me as well. Turns out that I am a full inch taller than previously thought! This means that I’m Five foot TWO!!!! (This is kind of a big deal for me because being hella short hella sucks. I’ll take every extra bit I can get.)

Okay, you guys, my random is running dry, and sitting in front of this Word document longer than I have to isn’t really helping much. I hope this isn’t the beginning of another bout of writer’s block. That would blooooow…

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #26: Get out of my house, Clark!

Looks like it’s time for the post-Mother’s Day installment of – dun dun DUN:

Pay the lovely Stacy a visit, yes?

  • Did everybody have a good Mom’s Day? Mine was decent, but not as relaxing as I had hoped. The girls were really, really ill-behaved (particularly around dinner). I was able to take a long-ass nap, though, and Midget served me “breakfast” in bed.
  • Have you fucking heard about the bill they are trying to pass in Uganda that would make being LGBT a crime punishable by DEATH?! What the fuck, Uganda!? There’s a petition online – go sign it if you’re against this sort of bullshit: http://www.allout.org/en/petition/uganda
  • Jeremy is taking time off work. This makes me happy :D
  • We are also getting motorized blinds installed on our insanely high hall windows (right now, in fact!!), so I’m pretty jazzed about that. No more horrifically bright daylight streaming in at obscene hours of the morning! I seriously hope the extended darkness will help the early rising kids sleep a bit longer.
  • New Lonely Island album is out today!! Never thought I would dig anything remotely involving Michael Bolton, but the song Jack Sparrow is epic!
  • Jeremy and I had company over the weekend (for the disappointing Pacquiao-Mosely bout), which is something of a rarity. I hope the house wasn’t too much of a disaster.
  • My phone is on the fritz – it randomly turns itself off. This will be the second (maybe even third?) EnV3 that I have had with this issue. If it gets really bad I may be forced to upgrade my phone early. Blegh.
  • I am thinking about getting an iPhone when the time to upgrade comes. Is this a bad choice? Can anyone tell me? (I want to use Instagram!!)
  • PSN is still down, folks, and it will continue to be down until May 31st. The only reason I care is because I can’t play Portal 2 until that shit is up and running again.
  • In the meantime, I am playing through Resident Evil 5 on Veteran difficulty. I have an S-Rank on all but two sub-chapters so far (A-Ranks on those) so that makes me feel all special and shit. I also S-Ranked every last bit on Normal difficulty, which also makes me feel all special and shit. The Infinite Rocket Launcher has been very helpful, but the MAGNUM is where it’s at!! (Minus five followers…)
THIS. (S&W M29)
  • I hate our baby monitor. It only has two volume settings: loud and louder. I seriously cannot wait to get rid of it… in another year or so.
  • Smallville is ending on Friday, and I’m actually really, really saddened by it. There was a good stretch there where I found it absolutely excruciating to watch, but this season has been so good! I mean, I guess it’s going out on a high note, which is good, but it’s sad that it’s going out now that the writers finally decided to get their shit together. IGN User BadgerWithAGun provided the following awesome summary of the Clark/Lex relationship:

Alright, dear readers, it’s time for me to go and do something constructive with the rest of my day (not that blogging isn’t constructive). Perhaps I will get to see Thor later? Or play with the motorized blinds that are being installed at this moment? (I’ll probably just finish RE5 again while gorging on chocolate chip cookies and Mountain Dew.)

Friday, May 6, 2011

Shiny! (Figuratively, not literally.)

I got another blog award! How cool is that?! Never in a million years did I think that anyone would actually enjoy Dorkisms enough to give me an award, and yet, here’s my second one!

A big THANK YOU goes to Claire over at Incognitus Scriptor! <3

So, there are actually some acceptance rules, if you will:

1. Thank and link back to the person that has given you this award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Award 15 blogs you feel deserve the award (FIFTEEN?!)
4. Contact these bloggers and let them know about the reward

Obviously I have already done the first item on the list, so let’s move on.

Seven things about me (brace yourselves – it’s boring):

  • I am horribly, horribly arachnophobic 
  • I used to draw a lot. Every day, in fact. Now I don’t. Like, ever. 
  • My favourite movie is Clerks 
  • Over the years my hair has been the following colours: black, light brown, auburn, blonde, red, motherfucking RED, purple, blue, orange, and burgundy 
  • I have never done drugs 
  • I will always have a soft spot for The Little Mermaid. That shit needs to come out on blu-ray already. 
  • One of the coolest things I own is a copy of the Batman: Hush Double-Feature that is signed by Jim Lee 

Now that the painful part is over, it’s time for me to give this award to fifteen bloggers of my choice. Yikes. That is a lot. I’ll try my best:

If your blog is listed above, then that means that I dig you, even if I don’t comment or whatever. Participation is optional, so I’m not going to show up at your house with a sharp object if you choose not to award fifteen of your favourite bloggers or even “accept” your award.
Also, if you have already been given this particular brand of props, well... you're getting it again. So there :P


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I hate it when I wake up in the morning and I have a totally different face than I did the night before

I’m going to start off by saying that I dig consistency. I don’t consider myself averse to change at all, but when I get comfortable with something, I like to stay in that comfort zone. Unnecessary changes to things that are just fine (if not flat out awesome) annoy the living shit out of me. With that being said…

There are a couple of new Resident Evil titles coming out for the Nintendo 3DS (Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D and Resident Evil: Revelations) and there’s something very noticeably different about returning series protagonist and all around HBIC Jill Valentine:


Jill through the years.

Who is this??
Now, before anyone says anything, this is not the same as the overhaul that her partner, Chris, received previously. If you look at Mr. Redfield, you can see that even though he has gained like, a bazillion pounds of muscle mass, and got a better haircut, his face and his features are still the same as they were in previous titles (I’m not counting CODE: Veronica on Dreamcast back in the day, because of the outdated tech), other than the slight changes that come with getting older.

In the case of Jill, things are much different. She has looked the same (other than some hair and wardrobe changes) since 2002’s Resident Evil Remake dropped on the GameCube, when Canadian model/actress Julia Voth was tapped to lend her likeness to the good folks at Capcom. If her contract ran out, why on earth wouldn’t Capcom want to renew it (if that’s even the case)? Voth, when asked by another blogger about the disappearance of her face, responded via Twitter:

“I have no control over what they do w Jill, they may have tweaked her, but if we make enough noise maybe they’ll bring her back :)”

I sincerely hope I’m not the only one making (audible) noise.

Also, let’s note that Jill's character model in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 is a 'tooned up version of Voth (some people say otherwise, but it's really quite obvious...), thus making the move to change her face even more baffling than it already is!

Spoilers, naysayers: it's the nose.


Another bothersome change for me has come in the form of the never-ending recasting of Bruce Banner in the Hulk movies. First, we had Eric Bana back in Ang Lee’s 2005 Hulk. Not going to lie: that movie kind of sucked, even if Bana is a good actor. When the 2008 reboot was announced, I understood the need to recast the roles. I mean, that’s what happens in reboots, right? When Edward Norton took over the role of one of Marvel’s iconic characters, I was all, “FUCK YEAH!” The Incredible Hulk did not disappoint, and with an Avengers movie in the works, people everywhere were looking forward to seeing Norton reprise his role. 

Apples and oranges.
And then it was announced that Ed Norton was being replaced by Mark Ruffalo in the upcoming Avengers movie. For no apparent reason. Now, nothing against Mark Ruffalo – the guy’s an awesome actor – but, what the shit, Marvel?! Ruffalo will be the third bloke stepping into Banner’s sometimes overly large shoes in less than ten years… and it’s aggravating as hell. Especially when you consider that no other characters were re-cast.

Midget (who is a huge fan of the 2008 flick) is going to be hella confused when she sees The Avengers next year. 

Apples and condoms.

PS -- don't even get me started on the Terrence Howard to Don Cheadle bullshit between the Iron Man movies. ARGH!


When Devil May Cry was released on the PlayStation 2 back in 2001, I worked at the local GameStop. It was a job that had many ups and downs, but I remember having our demo copy of DMC running non-stop during my eight hour shifts. I knew the dialogue to the short intro teaser of the game by heart after about three days, but it was worth it because Devil May Cry was rad, damn it! It helped that the main character, Dante, was such a cool bastard! Cheeky, too. He reminded me a little of Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China

Dante as he appears in DMC 3, 4, and MvC 3.

Dante, through the years, has always been easily recognizable by his white hair, red trench-coat, and general bad-assery. This guy is made of WIN. I enjoyed playing as him in Marvel vs. Capcom 3. I enjoyed kicking demon ass while trying to eat a pizza in Devil May Cry 3. I haven’t played 4 yet, but I’ll get there. So, when Capcom announced a reboot of its hyper stylish series, I was surprised as hell. Then, they released a trailer that started off pretty rad -- until a seemingly M.I.A. Dante was revealed to be:

This guy?!!?

What in the fucking fuck is this gutter-punk bastard doing here and where in the fucking fuck is cheeky, Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China Dante?! Seriously, what the shit is this?! Whose idea was this?! Again, why “fix” what isn’t broken?!

I just… I don’t understand any of these decisions, nor do I understand how wanting such things to remain constant is looked at by some as nit-picking or complaining. Isn’t recognition kind of a big deal to how the brain works? To how things are perceived?

Okay, enough with the questions and the rambling. Tell me, dear readers, what do you think of unnecessary change?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #25: IDK, man.

What’s up, folks? So, I’m hella late mentioning this because I’m a chump, but, in Keely’s absence, the lovely Stacy over at Stacy Uncorked has taken over the RTT hosting duties; she has even provided a nifty new badge for the occasion:

Check it!

  • I’m just going to come right out and say that I am glad that Osama Bin Laden is dead. Seriously. Fuck that guy. Massive props to the SEALs for taking his ass out!
  • I have, once again, found myself in serious need of a haircut.
  • I wish I could give my buddy, Megan, a big hug.
  • The current 90210 storyline involving Adrianna switching out Silver’s bipolar meds with some unknown red and white capsules is intensely disturbing to me. Watching last week’s episode where she’s in full-blown mania was just… shudder.
  • My friend got hit on by the original Black Ranger from Power Rangers at a con over the weekend. I think I went into cardiac arrest when she told me the story. It was fucking priceless!
  • Another priceless happening was when Facebook suggested that I might like genocide. Seriously. Because I said something about being genocidal toward arachnids.

1,336 likes?! WTF?? (Click for full size)

  • I’m hoarding boxes of Honey Kix. Well, not really, but I have several boxes. When I am done putting this post together I’m going to fucking ATTACK a bowl of that shit. Hell, I might do it before I finish this. It’s not like the fate of the world hinges upon how fast I push this live.
  • Munchkin with no nap is one of the most horrible things in the world. (I mean that in the most loving way possible.) I mean, I knew this – this was not news to me. But when she didn’t nap at all on Sunday, it was… ugh. That’s what it was: ugh.
  • My husband’s insane libido is killing me. No, really. 
  • WWE Tough Enough is strangely addictive. I don’t even like wrestling, but this show is really interesting to watch.
  • I hate going to Costco. That place is eternally busy, even twelve minutes after opening.

Okay, guys, that’s it for this week. Munchkin and I are both in desperate need of naps. Peace.