Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #11: RPatz ruffies

Goddamn – it’s Tuesday already!?

You know that RTT is Keely's brainchild, right? Good.
  • OMFG, 90210 came back from mid-winter hiatus!! (Spoilers!) The CW is still doing that weird happy, bubbly episode preview thing; next week looks like some fun hijinks will ensue when the girls go to some sort of yoga retreat. On the flip side, I just finished watching Naomi tie her rapist to a chair and beat his ass before having to be talked out of stabbing him in the throat. Sure, he had it coming, but where in the shit is the transition between this and happy yoga fun tiemz??
  • I discovered Dave Chappelle’s Twitter feed and it is seriously one of the best things since the advent of modern plumbing. (Turns out this is not the real Dave Chappelle, which is lame. Still pretty funny, though.)

Why does this look so blurry?
  • Wizard magazine was shut down yesterday. I don’t know what I am going to do with myself.
  • Okay, so, yesterday my windshield was struck by an unknown bit of debris as I drove down the 405. Naturally, I flipped my shit b/c the last time this happened (which was in June or July, and also on the same stretch of the 405, wtf?), I had to have the whole windshield replaced. I lucked out this time, though, and got away with some very slight rock-chip damage that didn’t even need to be filled.
  • That last bit becomes infinitely more interesting when I mention the angry-ass Chinese man that worked at the local Speedy Glass. I called them twice (I forgot to ask how long rock-chip repair takes first time around) and this bloke answered both times. First time around, he abruptly cut me off and then transferred me to the nice bloke that works there. The second time around, I wasn't so lucky; instead of transferring me or answering my question straight-away, his response was, "Didn't you just call here? Like, ten minutes ago?" 
  • What a dick, right?! I got there, and I saw him sitting in the back room when I arrived. The other guys were outside in the work area; instead of responding to my greeting he gave me a dirty look and knocked on the window to let his co-workers know that they had a customer. I flat out told them that their buddy was a dick, which they laughed at. I was told he was having a bad day; fuck that shit. I’m an asshole – I know this, I get it. But even on my bad days I will still be polite and courteous, and I will wear a goddamn smile if the situation calls for it.
  • I need to stop including full-on novels in RTT posts.
  • Jeremy and I finally took the girls to see Tangled over the weekend. It was Munchkin’s first trip to the theatre, so she was all hella excited. It was pretty rad.
  • At the movies, Jeremy was lucky enough to sit next to a group of teenagers that included a girl that couldn't follow the story (her friend had to keep explaining what was going on) and a bloke who thought he was too cool to be there; apparently he would get all huffy whenever somebody sang a song.
  • One of the most horrifying things I have ever seen: Twilight Sweethearts – particularly the box that features only a sinister looking RPatz against a black void. It looks more like a box of ruffies than a box of candy.
4 oz. of date rape.
  • You know those sticks that have a plush horse’s head attached at one end? I fucking hate those things -- there is so much potential for disaster! Naturally, Midget now has one.
Okay, this bit sounded a lot more complain-y that usual, didn’t it? That blows, especially when there are so many people with more legitimate problems out there. And here I am complaining about a toy horse and some asshole at a glass-repair joint! On that note, I’m going to do some serious self-eval and hope that when next Tuesday comes I won’t sound like such an ass! Wish me luck?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #10: I don't know what to call this one

In light of yesterday’s mammoth post, I honestly wasn’t sure that I would do RTT this week. But then this morning happened, giving rise to a whole slew of bullet points that begged to be pushed live. So, without further ado, I present:

Check out Keely today -- the octopus chair demands it.
  • Midget had the flu last week, and it SUCKED HARD (it was a strain that wasn’t in the vaccine). At the same time she was sick, my newly three-year-old nephew was hospitalized due to Kawasaki Disease. Not a good week for either Dunham household.
  • Thankfully, both kids are on the mend and doing great. Midget even has her ten-years-too-soon attitude problem going full force! 
  • To be honest, I kind of liked her better when she was sick. She was so much more agreeable...
  • I am totally aware that that made me sound like an asshole, but I like to keep shit real, son.
  • Every time I geek out about movies or games on my blog I get, like, 0 comments and page views. I thought it was cool to be out of the dorky closet now?
  • I really, really wish that Squeenix would release a version of FFVI that has a perfect translation (100% faithful beats the shit out of 75% any day…) and zero censorship. In this day and age, there are much worse things being depicted in all forms of media than a 16-bit representation of somebody being chained to a prison cell wall.
L: Original and PSX releases; R: GBA re-release
  • So, this morning I was passed HELLA FAST in a 35 by a car that had a sticker for the local religious station on its rear window and a license plate frame that read “Jesus for life!” Somehow, I don’t think that Jesus wants his followers driving like psychopaths.
  • Munchkin is finally tall enough to open doors, and this is posing an interesting problem when butt-thirty AM arrives, because she will walk out of her room. I put up a baby gate but now she climbs over it. I raised the gate ever so slightly and now she shimmies her way under it.
  • Clearly I need to think waaaaaaaaaaaay outside of the proverbial box.
  • I think one of my BFFs has lost her goddamn mind. If she didn’t live all the way on the other end of the continent I would sit her down and tell her how stupid she’s being.
  • I’m at the age now where having a filter doesn’t seem like it’s all that beneficial anymore.
  • I’m also at the age where I need to start looking for a good firming lotion – a preemptive move, if you will.
  • Last night, I randomly recalled a conversation Jeremy and I were having about a character from Chrono Trigger having the worst name ever. I stated laughing so hard that I questioned my sanity.
  • I told Jeremy about this during our commute and nearly died because, once again, I could not stop laughing. He’s right, though – Marle’s not a name. It’s a sound.
  • I’ve been on a pretty major Black Eyed Peas kick lately, and as a result “My Humps” has been stuck in my head for days.
  • I am really, really stoked for Marvel vs. Capcom 3’s release next month (Feb. 15th). The addition of Phoenix/ Dark Phoenix raised the nerdgasm bar by about a thousand percent.
Yes, please.
  • No, really. I don’t need an elaborate Valentine’s dinner or a box of truffles. I will be cool with practicing 36 hit Ultra Combos and unlocking Achievements.
  • I love me some Batman, but I think eighteen monthly Batman titles is excessive as fuck. DC needs to scale that shit back some.
  • I feel somehow wrong for using a bottle of Mensroom Original Red to slow-cook corned beef, but it was the only beer left. I really would have preferred to drink it.
  • Shirtless Kirk is seriously the best smelling cologne, like, ever.
  • I should really be napping right now.
Good lord, I need to STFU before I end up writing a 900 page essay comprised entirely of psycho-babble! BTW, I'm totally serious about that Shirtless Kirk bit. Get it for your men, ladies. Or, hell, get it for yourselves. Either way, it smells amazing.

Don't let this packaging fool you!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Ten female videogame characters who put the menfolk to shame

Okay, so about a week ago I read this bullshit article on IGN.com that talked about the unfair portrayal of women in videogames. The author described the majority of female characters as “vapid scenery with a mouth” or “objects that need saving,” and goes on to use poor examples, over-simplify key characters, and conveniently neglect mentioning a plethora of awesome protagonists in order to make his argument seem more valid than it really is. So, I started this big, elaborate post detailing all of the fuckery, but I got smacked with the writer’s block from hell, and then Midget contracted the goddamn flu, so… yeah. 

Anyway, I probably should have focused my attention to something else, but that editorial made me mad, goddamnit! Getting back on track, the article’s author was somehow unable to think of ten strong, fully fleshed out, non-sexualized female videogame characters: he struggled to name five, and of them, two weren’t really women – they were Artificial Intelligence. When I was asked to name ten lovely ladies, I was able to do so off of the top of my head with no problem. With that said, I’m going to venture into some really dangerous nerd territory here and present you, the lucky reader, with my spur of the moment list. (Key phrase, you guys: spur of the moment. This isn't a top ten by any means.) You know you’ve been waiting all your life to read this.

(Side note: I went ahead and provided links to a good deal of things throughout this entry mostly for your convenience =D )



Tina Branford – Final Fantasy VI 

Before I talk about Tina (aka Terra – her name was changed in all US releases for some bizarre reason about needing her to sound more "exotic"), I need to say right off the bat that I absolutely can't stand her in the Dissidia: Final Fantasy games. They made her really ugly and really annoying; needless to say, seeing one of my favorite characters in anything ever get turned into a useless twat is disappointing on so many levels! (And yet, when I play Dissidia, I always pick her anyway… go figure.)

Anyhow, Tina's awesome (outside of Dissidia) for several reasons: First off, she was the first main female protagonist in a Final Fantasy game. Second, she was the strongest character in the entire roster (Give her a Magic Box relic, the Ultima Weapon, and make sure she learns the Ultima spell. UNF). Third, she was born with the unique ability to use magic, which is a bit of a big deal, and fourth, she has green hair (a decision that was made last minute in order to differentiate her from the other characters, thus explaining why she appears blonde in most images). Because of her uncanny abilities she is enslaved by the evil Gestahlian Empire (via a hella creepy mind-control apparatus called a Slave Crown) and used as a killing machine in a war for world domination. When her Slave Crown is forcibly removed it results in total memory loss and an inability to properly express and even understand emotions, so naturally, she's scared shitless (who wouldn't be?!). As luck would have it, she meets the ever-chivalrous Locke Cole, and with his help, joins up with a rebel organization called the Returners in order to take down the Empire that destroyed her life. Even though Locke helps her get out of a pretty tough spot, she never truly falls into the damsel in distress category: she can kill with the snap of her fingers or a sword -- whichever is more convenient. Although Tina struggles with her emotions -- particularly her understanding of love -- she never jumps into the arms of any of the supporting beefcake (not even Edgar, who hits on her the second they become acquainted). Instead, she goes on to recover her memory, become a surrogate mother to a village full of orphaned children (maternal love FTW), and fight to save the world, fully aware that there’s a very good chance that she'll die as a result of her half-breed heritage. HOLLA.

Celes Chere – Final Fantasy VI


I once saw an amateur translator say that Celes “rocks the motherfucking house.” Evidently, several aspects of her personality were somewhat lost in the American translation, which is a damn shame – and possibly a reason why she’s so often overlooked when people talk about badass bitches with swords. Or badass bitches, period. As an infant, Celes was artificially infused with magic similar to Tina's and brought up to be a Magitek Knight in the previously mentioned Gestahlian Empire. By eighteen she had become its youngest general, cutting her way through her battles. Yes, cutting. With a sword. However, since mind-control and genocide were nowhere on her To-Do List, she was imprisoned for an unspecified act of treason: When the player first meets her, she is chained up and being beaten by a couple of guards (a scene that was severely watered down in the GBA re-release due to a rash of kidnappings that took place overseas during development or something? What?*), but somehow, she never comes across as somebody who needs to be rescued. When the oh-so-lovable Locke swoops in to save the day, she’s completely baffled and only goes with him because he’s persistent as fuck.

(Yes, this is a pattern -- Locke has a habit of helping ladies in need because of some serious baggage.) Even though an unspoken romantic bond eventually forms between the two, it is far from what motivates Celes, probably because she’s too busy learning how to deal with life outside of a military setting while trying to save the world from one of the most psychotic villains ever.

*EDIT -- so, that kidnapping thing was a load of bollocks, and the real reason for the censorship was the Japanese ratings system that is in place. Violence against a restrained person is a bit of a problem when going for certain ratings.

Lucca Ashtear – Chrono Trigger 

ZOMG Chrono Trigger!!! That game is the SHIT and I can't help thinking that whenever somebody mentions it because zomg so many fond memories and where the hell is my copy on the DS?!!

Okay, now that I got that out of my system, let’s take a quick look at Lucca: This girl is so far from the vapid scenery category that it’s unreal. Are you looking at her? She’s not all that cute. And what the hell with that helmet, right? But, hey, there’s a fine line between genius and insanity, and Lucca falls in the category of somewhat dorky super-genius. As the best friend of CT's spiky-headed swordsman, Crono, Lucca leads a pretty normal life: she loves science and machinery (her father is an inventor) and loves making new and technologically advanced gadgets. After all, it's her teleportation device that ultimately sets the events of Chrono Trigger into motion by inadvertently opening a wormhole through time. On the surface, Lucca seems boastful and brash, touting her scientific knowledge as the best thing since sliced bread, but in reality she has poured herself into learning as much about science and machines as possible because of an accident in which one of her father's inventions mangled her mother's legs, leaving her confined to a wheelchair. In fact, Lucca, who was about ten at the time, witnessed the gruesome scene and carries a crushing guilt for not being able to stop it. The horror of this event (holy shit, the side-quest where you see it happen if you fail is extremely unnerving), as well as having to see the consequences daily help set Lucca apart from the rest of the CT cast. Also, she's the only playable character that has a gun. Hells yeah.

Jill Valentine – Resident Evil Series 

If you have seen the Resident Evil movies, I want you to purge Sienna Guillory from your memory this instant. The Jill I’m talking about here isn’t the bizarre, I’m-trying-too-hard-to-be-tough oddity that we got in the cinema (I should mention that I have nothing against Guillory -- I'm sure that she's a lovely person). No, I’m talking about the Master of Unlocking here! Okay, seriously though, game Jill is infinitely superior to movie Jill. Before joining S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics And Rescue Service) and becoming Chris Redfield’s partner, she was in the US Army’s Delta Force training program, learning how to do things like disarm bombs, use different types of firearms, and pick something like sixty types of locks. Then there was that whole Mansion Incident that brought in those pesky zombies (and other B.O.W.'s), which she has been killing with finesse since 1998. 1998, son! During that time she was trapped in Raccoon City during the massive T-Virus outbreak, where she was not only stalked by the gruesome Nemesis T-type , but infected with the virus as she tried to make her escape. Clearly, she survived, since she went on to help Chris finally take down Umbrella and co-found the BSAA (Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance). Sadly, she was killed in action three years prior to the start of Resident Evil 5. But, you know what? She didn't go out like a punk.

On a side note, when I found out that Jill would be in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 I about peed my pants. Yes, I am THAT lame.

*Update: I had not played through RE5 when I first wrote this, but now I have, thus making me love this bitch EVEN MORE.

Claire Redfield – Resident Evil Series

Another one from Resident Evil – and this time, it’s Chris Redfield’s baby sister. Before I go on, purge the movie version of Claire from your minds as well, okay? Because just like Jill, movie Claire and game Claire are two different people. Game Claire just seems like your all around normal chick: She’s good with kids, rides motorcycles, and knows how to rock a good pair of jeans. When Raccoon City went to shit, she got with it and used the skills she learned from her brother to start taking down hoards of zombies left and right (after getting over that initial “what the fuck was THAT” hump that anybody facing a zombie outbreak would run into). In fact, the only reason she was even in Raccoon City to begin with was because of a self-initiated search for Chris, who had gone M.I.A. trying to put an end to Umbrella Corp. She eventually ends up in Paris before being shipped off to a creepy-ass place called Rockfort Island where she gets into some even crazier shenanigans that involve zombies, mutants, and this horrifying puzzle involving a crystal ball and a slab of concrete that left me traumatized for months after I played Code: Veronica. (However, that puzzle was actually in Antarctica...)She also had one of the neatest game moments ever during the game's intro movie – a moment that was so cool that Milla Jovovich HAD to replicate it on the big screen in Resident Evil: Apocalypse (It’s that one where she drops the gun and then immediately drops down so that she can catch and fire it right before it hits the floor – about 45 seconds in, and hella sick!). Mad props to Jovovich, who practiced until she was really able to do that shit -- in one take, from what I understand.

Juri Han – Super Street Fighter IV

The article that spawned this list mentioned that there aren’t too many good female villains in videogames, and while that may be true, I think that Juri was sorely overlooked. She isn’t one of those useless background characters like Rufus, who’s there simply because the developers wanted a silly fat guy in their game; Juri is a central part of the Street Fighter IV story and the first(?) true villainess in the series, which earns her some massive points. Even though she has some somewhat suggestive lines here and there, Juri isn’t oozing with sex like your typical female fighting game character. She is realistically proportioned, muscular, and wears a mostly full set of pants. She's also pretty fucking twisted. Her parents were killed while she was young and she sustained serious injuries as it all went down (loss of an entire eye, anyone?). However, instead of getting in touch with some great deal of moral fiber because of how fucked up her experience was, she became totally fucked up by her experience. Juri is sadistic and cruel; she will kill somebody slowly and painfully just because she feels like it. Also, that new eye of hers (not prominently pictured) is a bit creepy.

Yuna – Final Fantasy X, X-2

It’s strange that IGN called out the Final Fantasy games for having weak, sexualized heroines when only two or three of them really fit into that category (over the course of, what, fourteen games, mind you). Yuna is definitely not on the useless, eye-candy side of the spectrum in the least. (Okay, so maybe she's a little useless in battle until you really level her up.) She’s quiet and reserved, yet embarks on a pilgrimage to stop a horrifying monster called Sin in order to bring temporary peace to the world, knowing full well that she must die in order to accomplish this. Despite that, her resolve never waivers – even when she finds out that everything she thought she knew about her pilgrimage has been a lie. Never once is she put in a position where she HAS to be bailed out by Tidus or any of her other companions; I mean, she can conjure magical creatures from thin air. Who needs a basket-case with daddy-issues and a sword when they can call upon motherfucking BAHAMUT? Let’s also keep in mind that FFX was the first in the franchise to spawn a legitimate sequel – starring Yuna, because she was infinitely more interesting and likable than that whiny asshole, Tidus, ever was.

Brigid Tenenbaum – BioShock, BioShock 2 

Even though the player only catches a few glimpses of Tenenbaum during the BioShock games, she’s an important ally who has much more to offer than either Jack or Subject Delta, and I think that says a lot. She’s probably the most important character in the entire series up to this point, seeing as how she created ADAM and the iconic Little Sisters that run around Rapture. Her back-story involves surviving life in a German prison camp only because of her scientific prowess and being forced to assist the Nazis in their infamous medical experiments, which is equal parts crazy, interesting, and disturbing. Hearing her talk about Rapture, ADAM, and her sordid past not only gives the player a better idea of who this woman really is, but we also gain a better understanding of the insanity that ultimately IS Rapture.

Samus Aran – Metroid Series

When the first Metroid game dropped in ’86, people were all over that shit. Here you were, playing as this bad-ass space bounty hunter that made every major action star at the time look like cute little poodles (not that poodles are cute -- they're actually kind of gross). Then the end of the game came, Samus took the suit off, and gamers everywhere shat themselves when they saw that the bad motherfucker who was destroying the shit out of aliens was, in fact, a woman. Despite that whole X chromosome thing, we barely ever see Samus without her full armor, or hell, even without her helmet. She doesn't really talk a whole lot, and she doesn't have to -- her arm cannon and missiles say plenty. She has been referred to as the least sexualized videogame character of all time, which makes IGN’s article that much more baffling, as she is specifically called out for being “porno” underneath her armor – presumably because she has a pretty face and a nice rack. If being pretty and/or having nice boobs automatically makes somebody slutty, well…I know a lot of sluts.

Edit: From what I understand, Metroid: Other M really did a number on poor Samus, reducing her to some sort of simpering idiot. That's really unfortunate, but it doesn't negate any of the above statements. One shitty story can't erase 25 years of badassery.

Elika – Prince of Persia (2008) 

Last, but certainly not least is my creepy girl-crush, Elika. Despite being considered a supporting character, Elika was really the heart of PoP’s story: Gorgeous, smart, charming, and fully-clothed (except for her feet, but whatever), this priestess is seriously made of win, I tell you! By talking to her at every opportunity, the player is given massive amounts of background information about her, her family, the scenery, and the villains you face off against throughout the game. Another nice touch is the role-reversal that goes on in PoP: more often than not, Elika is the one doing all of the saving, because her magical powers give her one hell of an advantage over the sword-wielding Prince, who is just sort of along for the ride. I wish Ubisoft would release the next installment in this particular Prince of Persia series simply so I can swoon over this chick some more. Okay, well, that, and I really, really want to know what happens next! Stupid cliff-hanger endings...

I'm sure that I'm supposed to say something well thought-out to bring this to a close, but that doesn't seem to be my strong suit lately. Instead, I'm going to grab a nap and hope that there aren't too many cursors hovering over that "unfollow" button over there...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #09: I should really stock up on fingertip bandages

Grr. Argh.

Remember: Keely = Rad. Check her out.

  • No odd run-ins with total strangers since last post! Yay!
  • I went off of wellbutrin cold turkey. It’s been almost a week, and so far, so good.
  • I’m still mystified by how bad the drivers here in WA are. People here actually think it’s okay to make a left turn on red!! 
  • I read an article on IGN that really pissed me off. It’s called “Brining a Bikini to a Sword Fight” and it is about how there are no strong female characters in games. I reckon the author wrote it to win favour with the ladies. The author is so full of shit that I can’t even… gah! Hate-filled rant elaborating on all of this will probably go up later this week.
  • Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon reminds me of a giant Nagi.
  • I hate it when Jeremy works late. 
  • Evidently, the girls hate it, too.
  • Nearly took the top of my left index finger off with a vegetable peeler yesterday. In case you were wondering, that shit fucking HURT.
  • Magic Erasers are probably one of the greatest inventions ever.
  • My sketchbook is still collecting dust. It is just collecting dust in a far more visible location.
So, yeah… umm… …yeah...? I know, I know -- this is the best post EVAR. I'll be more coherent next time, I swear.

Friday, January 7, 2011

It's Friday night and the mood is far from right

It’s Friday night, everybody is in bed, and I am sitting alone in my living room, listening to music with my dusty and neglected sketchbook immediately to my left. I have a bag of various pencils, erasers, and blending sticks off to my right (alongside a can of Mountain Dew). Oh, and all around me? A horrible, creeping feeling of failure mixed with some "What the hell happened?" for good measure.

You see, growing up, drawing was my “thing.” I was always told that I was “talented” or that I “could go somewhere” when it came to my "art" (I am using the term VERY loosely here). I drew every single day for years. I remember this one time when I flipped my shit upon realizing that I had run out of paper, and I insisted that my dad take me to the local Wal-Mart rightfuckingthen so I could buy more and continue on with my arthritis-inducing hobby. (Don’t look like that -- we were already in the car and it was on the way!) I had always said that my goal was to one day have my artwork grace the cover of Wizard magazine at least once, and to laugh at everyone who ever said I would fail, or that my art was nothing but “stupid cartoons” when I finally made it big in the comics world.

As you know, things change. We get older, become more realistic, and have to dedicate pretty much every waking hour to taking care of the things necessary for our survival (or the survival of others). My drawing became less and less of my “thing." I got a job. I got a boyfriend (who would later become my husband and the father of mah kidz). I got busy. Despite all of these things, I still had a desire to sit down and draw, and when I had a moment, I would try to pull something out of thin air the way I had once been able to – to no avail. Somewhere along the line, I realized that my work would never be “good enough,” and I became jaded as fuck. I would see the artwork of others and, instead of feeling inspired, I would wonder how and why my stupid cartoons were nowhere near the level of these younger, more talented people despite the years and years I had dedicated to honing my skills. 
You wouldn't burn this either, would you?

And, so, here I am, with my sketchbook by my side and an intense desire to burn it in a blaze of glory. Or un-glory, rather. Honestly, the only thing keeping me from doing so is the bomb-ass Sirius Black wanted poster sticker plastered front and center. Even though I have felt that familiar spark of wanting/needing to draw something over the last few days, I haven’t been able to produce a goddamn thing. Before this, the last time I actually sat down to draw something was sometime last January – a shitty fan art of FFVI’s Tina Branford (if you have been following this blog, then you should know by now that I will rampantly fangirl over Final Fantasy VI until the day I DIE, okay?), along with some random reference sketches of Munchkin, and… 

… a box of tissue. 

So a full year has gone by without me drawing anything, and I honestly don’t know if I could feel any worse. This "major" part of me has atrophied and is more than likely broken beyond repair. The things that I once felt proud of look absolutely appalling to me now, triggering a massive brain-spasm that involves remedial tutorials of anatomy, geometry, a lot of swearing that is both internal and external, a little pyromania, and which lead is darkest (it’s 6B, by the way…).

Clearly that whole Wizard magazine and gloating thing is never going to happen.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #08: People are strange when you're a stranger

I think that my intro is supposed to have some sort of “hey, it’s 2011!!” spin to it this week, but I’m not really feeling it. Regardless of whether it’s 2010 or 2011, it’s still Tuesday.

Visit Keely. She's rad.
  • We got hit with some more snow last week, which really sucked. 
  • Oddly enough, I am the only person in the neighborhood who shoveled their goddamn driveway. 
  • If you know what I look like, then you know that the mental image of me going to town with a giant-ass snow shovel is just… weird. 
  • There were two ladies walking laps as I worked on the driveway; one of which was wearing her baby on her back. (Remember what I said previously?) Anyway, Midget has this little doll that wears a sweater and a mini skirt, and she was playing with her in the snow. On the second pass near our house, she happily proclaimed that her doll was a snow girl to the women (first pass was all saccharine greetings). Anyway, as they walked away, I overheard one say to the other “In a mini skirt?” with the sort of wtf tone you give somebody who claims they shot el chupacabra in their yard. I held my tongue, but I really, really wanted to shout, “SHE’S FOUR, ASSHOLE!” 
  • I know that was really long-winded, but I had to share. 
  • I finally got a haircut, but once again, my fringe was brutalized. I reckon it’s time to stop going to the nearest Great Clips and find an actual hairdresser. 
  • As this woman bullied my hair, she asked me if Midget was part Mexican (specifically, if her father was Mexican). It was so random and sudden that I didn't even think to tell her that I'm Puerto Rican. What does it matter anyway, right? BTW, Midget looks very much like her dad -- white.
If this is not fair skin than I don't know what is.

  • Forgive me, but… Why is it that every Great Clips ever employs surly, heavily-accented Asian women? Surely I’m not the only one who has noticed this? 
  • I’m confident that that last thought will be taken the wrong way by somebody somewhere. 
  • Whatever. 
  • Yesterday at the grocery, this super frail old woman came up to me and asked me very quietly, “Are you a Christian?” I told her that I wasn’t, and she was like, “Oh.” Less than a second later, Munchkin looked directly at her and said, “Bad guy! Bad guy, Mommy! Bad guy!!” The whole thing was just fucking weird. 
So that’s it for this week. Here’s hoping that I don’t have to deal with any more bizarre run-ins with complete assholes strangers. That would be nice. To close out this RTT, I'm going to leave you with the fabulous image below. Enjoy~