Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #33: I'm totally qualified to name housing subdivisions

What it is, what it is, what it is?

Stacy is rad. The Sandwich Nazi? Not so much.

  • Midget’s kindergarten eval is this Thursday!! I think I’ve mentioned how nervous I am already, but it has yet to subside. She’s a smart girl; she’ll do fine. However, the director at her pre-school was telling me that her daughter took the early eval test -- she tested on a kindergarten level, but apparently, that was not good enough. If they have to test above kindergarten level to get to kindergarten, then why not go to first grade??
  • Now I am HELLA fucking nervous about this!!
  • On the subject of this bullshit eval, the shrink or whatever emailed me some documents to fill out for the appointment. I printed them out yesterday. All FIFTEEN pages. Like, what the fuck? How much does this bloke need to know about my kid? Are her sleeping habits really relevant to whether or not she knows her ABCs?
  • Who comes up with names of housing developments? How does that work? Do you just take a random word and attach “Meadows” to it? Forest Meadows. Redwood Meadows. Tranquil Meadows. Sausage Meadows. Chococat Meadows. Bacon Meadows. Hulk Meadows. Zombie Meadows. I think I just found my new career path.
  • Buffy fans, rejoice! Dark Horse comics now owns the rights to Angel! This August a new series is being launched that will center around him and Faith. It ties directly into Buffy Season 8, and apparently, an upcoming Season 9!


  • I got a care package from LG last week – it was filled with whimsy. A random egg beater, some dolls from Mexico (for the kids), a somewhat sentimental card… it was cute.
  • Haven’t finished Portal 2 yet, which makes me sad, but I’m definitely enjoying it. Carrying a potato around is fucking priceless.
  • DC Universe online is the most boring, tedious game to watch anybody play. I don’t understand how my brother-in-law and his wife are so bloody hooked on it. I just… I don’t get it.
  • Copic markers seem like a pretty rad medium to work with.
  • Fuck yeah, New York!!!!

Alright, people. I’m keeping this week’s random rather short as I just don’t have much to blabber on about. Same drill next week. Peace~

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #32: Neville needs love, too

It‘s Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, and today I have some total weak sauce random lined up for your reading pleasure!

Stacy! Yay!!

  • Midget’s “graduation” was sickeningly cute. She had a little cap and gown, and she did a little walk to a stage and got a little certificate and her teacher read her career goal to the audience – which is to be a chef – and then she did a cheeky little pose and walked off.
  • Also, she didn’t smile in the group pictures. I have the kid that ruined the group pictures! Seriously, she looks all emo in two of them; in the third she’s throwing out this horrifying smirk that looks like something from… well, IDEK. Something.
  • On the subject of Midget, her eval for kindergarten is next week. NEXT WEEK. Holy balls, Batman!! I’m getting really, really nervous. She needs to pass – my sanity (what’s left of it) depends on it!
  • I’m sure that, by now, you’ve seen the final trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. That shit was way too intense for two and a half minutes – I even got all teary-eyed! Again, HELLA Kleenex!!
Tangent: Beheading snakes is fucking badass.
  • Caramel popcorn is the shit.
  • Cottonwood trees can still blow me.
  • Munchkin effortlessly counted to fourteen the other day.
  • Go The Fuck to Sleep sounds like a goddamn account of what occurs in my house every night. I know a lot of people have probably said that, but I just cannot, cannot, cannot believe how accurate it is at portraying my nightly routine with the kids. It’s almost sort of creepy.
  • fyeahartstudentowl.tumblr.com = epic time waster! Every time I think I’m going to sit and sketch something I end up going there and marveling at how much of that shit rings true.
  • My aunt keeps giving me shit about my copious use of “fuck” and all of its variations. I have tried to curb the language, but I just can’t quit the almighty F-word.

Alright, it’s time for me to mosey on out the door to run errands or whatever. Oh, check it out: my homie created a tumblr meme of her own: http://fuckyeahrollerderbyotter.tumblr.com/  It’s pretty awesome, even if you’re not in roller derby.


Sunday, June 19, 2011

Dear Old Dad

My dad never answers his goddamn phone when I call lately, and it’s seriously pissing me off.

Tiara courtesy of Midget

I‘d like to think that he and I have a good relationship. It’s kind of weird because we are complete opposites: I’m extremely introverted, soft-spoken, and somewhat level-headed whereas my dad is loud, outspoken, and belligerent. And, yet, somehow, we get on fabulously – for the most part. Sometimes he will give unwarranted advice, or he will make a snap judgment about something that he is ill-informed about, and that’s when we tend to clash. However, as we get older this happens with much less frequency.

It’s kind of rad, really. I wish we would have gotten along like this when I still lived at home. It’s not like we were at each other’s throats, but there were times when things definitely got ugly.


Now we can easily have hour-long conversations in which we share bad dick and fart jokes and/or talk about great places to eat in NYC (even though neither of us lives there anymore). We like to keep it classy. OBVIOUSLY.

The trade-off for getting along with my dad? I never fucking see him. Seriously; since moving out of state almost ten years ago, I have seen him three times: my wedding, a visit to meet Midget when she was three months old, and a visit to meet Munchkin just days before we left California. I’ve been trying to get him to come visit, but he has a tendency to play the martyr. Because of that, he never wants to take any time off – it costs too much money, someone has to take care of my grandmother, etc. etc. etc. Jeremy and I even offered to buy his plane ticket, and he still declined! Bastard!

So, until I can finally convince him to travel cross-country, I’m going to have to be satisfied with sharing those bad jokes and food recommendations over the phone -- if he would bloody answer it.

At least I have free long-distance.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #31: I might be whining a little bit, but I mention boobies so it's okay

Once again, it’s time for *cue epic theme song that should exist but doesn’t*

Stacy is totally hot. You should check her out.

  • First off, I got my honey badger t-shirt and it is majestic as fuck. I don’t know when I will have the opportunity to wear it (because I am a lazy bastard and drop Midget off to school in a pajama top and jeans), but I’ll find one…
    I took this photo with my big toe. Seriously.
  • I finally started Portal 2 and it is BRILLIANT! I love Wheatley. Seriously, he’s rad. GLaDOS is as snarky as ever; I love her, too, as psychotic as she is. (“The test results are in: You are a horrible person.”)
  • I’m watching a preview for Street Fighter X Tekken right now. Previously I had zero interest in this, but now I kind of want to check it out…. Tekken is a huge nostalgia kick for me; Jeremy and I played it a lot when we were dating – against each other as well as with sizeable groups of friends. (I’m "looking" at YOU, Cheshire.)
  • So, you know how how E3 was last week? They showed some more Resident Evil: Revelations. I'm so annoyed that they made Jill all gross. To top off the weird facial change, they hired a different voice actress, so now she sounds gross on top of it. It's probably a trivial complaint, but it goes back to what I said about consistency.
No, really -- what the fuck is this??
L: Revelations (new face) R: RE5 (old face)
  • Ignore the hair colour change in the above image; Revelations takes place before RE5, so it totally makes sense if you're in the proverbial "know."
  • Midget is “graduating” from her pre-school on Friday. I reckon she gets a little cap and gown, but I’m not really sure; she still has room to be bumped up to Kindergarten Readiness.
  • Munchkin is becoming much more vocal lately, allowing us to see what she can do, so to speak. Her recall is absolutely insane and she has a really good handle on numbers and counting. Not to mention that, like Big Sister, she says some crazy shit.
  • “Do you have boobies? Look, I have boobies, too!” *Pulls shirt up* Verbatim.
  • Lamictal makes me ridiculously sleepy. Ridiculously. Sleepy. It just reinforces what I already knew: Drugs just don’t like me. I experience an unpleasant side-effect from pretty much everything I take or have taken previously. Not that being sleepy is unpleasant per se. It’s just that I want to be able to function during my downtime (I take it after the kids go to bed).
  • Cottonwood trees. Argh.

On that note, I’m going to go rub/scratch the fuck out of my eyeballs. Peace~

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Facebook is seriously freaking me out

First genocide, and now this? Facebook clearly has me all wrong.

Bread sticks and hair dye? Really, Facebook?

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts #30: Funkyzeit mit Bruno

Man, what a weekend. Are you ready for this? (I’m kind of not, but whatever.)

Remember, mad props to Stacy for picking up the RTT hosting duties!

  • E3 is happening right now out in LA, and so far, nothing has really caught my attention. The Tomb Raider reboot looks like it could be interesting, but I have yet to see actual gameplay, so it's still kind of up in the air.
  • I’m really annoyed that everything has to be in 3D nowadays.
  • So, I saw the Breaking Dawn trailer. I was fucking dying. I know that by Twi-hard standards this is as bad as butchering a kitten, but, dude. DUDE! I can’t even think about it without laughing! It was just too much.
  • My little cousin sent me a friend request on Facebook over the weekend. I say “little” because she was, well, little. Like, the last time I saw her she was… IDK… five-ish? Anyway, now she’s a full-grown teenager, and my brain is almost unable to process that. The last time I saw her she wore a plaid private school uniform and kiddie glasses to correct some issue with her eyes. Now? Now she goes to public school and has boobs.
  • What the fuck, Time?!?!
  • I picked up a new artist manikin last week. I have named it Bruno, and it has been great for things outside of art: for example, it is great for holding stray hair ties, or my rings when I need to remove them for food prep.
  • So, yeah, art. I’ve been sketching here and there. It has all been remedial shit – my hallway, my sofa – boring things. I picked up an issue of Maxim to dissect different poses and whatnot, too. These are all things that I have previously studied (what’s up, short-lived art major?) but I’m so out of practice that it makes me want to weep.
  • That's my "workspace" btw. It's a little janky, but Sirius makes it better. So does the bomb-ass lamp I picked up yesterday.
  • On a more jovial note, a fabulous friend of mine had told me years ago that I should listen to the song “Ho” by Ludacris because it was hilarious. For some reason, this slipped through the cracks of my To-Do List… until a few days ago. I don’t know why it took me so long to get around to this, but I now realize that something had been missing from my life prior to hearing this song.
  • I have a craving for the beach. It makes me miss Cali. I have a craving for amazing sushi. That makes me miss Cali. Fuck, you guys. I think I miss Cali. Just a little bit, though.

Alright, folks, I think that’s my cue to wrap this shit up. Keep it real, stay classy, etc. etc.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

This is not a good look for you

Cosplay: Literally "Costume Play." Dressing up and pretending to be a fictional character (usually a sci-fi, comic book, or anime character). -- urbandictionary.com

I know I've mentioned this before on Ze Twitter and in various conversations throughout the years, but cosplay fucking scares me. I just don’t get it. I mean, I get dressing up… for Halloween, or costume parties – that's fun! But what, exactly, is the point of dressing up as your favourite character on a warm summer day and taking “artsy” photos of yourself in front of a random building, or in a meadow before heading off to that convention? What’s the deal with the poses? Why won’t a simple smile suffice?

Okay, I sort of understand if your costume is actually awesome (yes, this does happen occasionally, but more on that in a minute), and you want some kind of visual record of it. But those silly poses are a bit much. Also a bit much? When you look fucking ridiculous but take, like, a bazillion pictures of yourself looking fucking ridiculous with the express purpose of posting them all over the internet.

As I mentioned before, I’ve actually seen some pretty dope examples of cosplay: Where the clothes are made with painstaking attention to detail, and the wearer looks the part they are trying to portray. Observe:

Ya Ya Han makes her own outfits, and they usually come out pretty rad.

Phoenix Kasai's C.Viper is amazing! This really doesn't do it justice.

Of course, the impressive stuff is pretty rare. More often than not, you’ll find shit like this: 




It’s stuff like this that genuinely makes me believe that mankind is doomed.

From top to bottom: Lenne (Final Fantasy X-2), Crimson Viper (Street Fighter 4, Marvel vs Capcom 3), Dante (Devil May Cry, Marvel vs Capcom 3), Jill Valentine (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis), Doctor Octopus (Spider-Man 2 - film), Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil 4)

Thursday, June 2, 2011

What does that even MEAN???

I previously mentioned that I have a thing for music. I always listen to it when I can – I prefer keeping iTunes or Pandora running throughout the day as opposed to the telly. I get to rock out, and so do the girls, if they fancy an impromptu dance party.

When it comes to lyrics, I tend to get pretty lucky. I mean, yeah, there are some profane things on my playlists and CD mixes (also mentioned before), and the girls know not to say those words. On the flip side, there are some really good (if not great) songs out there that have some of the most ridiculous lyrics on the planet (not counting things from Tenacious D or The Lonely Island). Here are some of my personal favourites:

The Doors: The End
Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold

Don’t get me wrong – I fucking love this song. I’m sure there’s deeper meaning to it somewhere. But we all know that The Doors are considered “Acid Rock” for a reason.

The Black Eyed Peas: Boom Boom Pow
Here we go, here we go, satellite radio
Y'all gettin' hit with boom boom
Beats so big I'm steppin' on leprechauns
Shittin' on y'all with the boom boom
Shittin' on y'all you with the boom boom

Yes, I am aware that I’m probably a member of a vast minority of folks who are down with this, but whatever. Of course, whenever I blast this song in the car, I crack up almost every time I hear this, regardless of where I am or who's around.

Timbaland featuring Missy Elliot, Justin Timberlake, and Dr. Dre: Bounce
First, we have Timbaland:
Let me see them big titties, don't act saddity you ain't pretty
Break bread if you wanna get wit' me, all I wanna do is dig off in them kidneys

Not so bad except for that whole kidney thing (which just sounds brutal), but then Justin Timberlake adds this gem in the chorus:

Bounce – Like yo’ ass had the hiccups

Who the hell thought of that? Also, what kind of ass gets hiccups? Because a hiccupping ass seems like a pre-cursor to some kind of horrifying digestive malady. For the record, I definitely prefer the Step Up 2 remix of this song by DJ MaXuS.

30 Seconds to Mars: Attack
Run away, run away, I'll attack
Run away, run away, go chase yourself
Run away, run away, now I'll attack
I'll attack, I'll aa-WHOOOAAAAAAAAA

I really, really dig this song... that is, until that last part of the chorus. That shit kills the entire song -- and not in a good way. Jared Leto should be ashamed of that. Hell, that motherfucker should be ashamed of the entire last album 30STM put out.

Katy Perry Featuring Kanye West: E.T.
Cop a Prada spacesuit about the stars
Getting stupid ass straight out the jar
Pockets on Shrek, Rockets on deck
Tell me what's next, alien sex
I'mma disrobe you, than I'mma probe you

I play this song in the car a lot because it's pretty rad. But Kanye, as always, is fucking ridiculous. “Alien sex”? Think about alien STDs, man. That itch? It’s not an itch: it’s your skin melting off and turning into sentient parasites. Kind of like Cloverfield, but somehow worse. All because you decided to probe an alien. Idiot.

Tool: Die Eier Von Satan
Die Eier Von Satan
Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker
Ein Viertel Teelöffel Salz
Eine Messerspitze türkisches Haschisch
Ein halbes Pfund Butter
Ein Teelöffel Vanillenzucker
Ein halbes Pfund Mehl
Einhundertfünfzig Gramm gemahlene Nüsse
Ein wenig extra Staubzucker
... und keine Eier

In eine Schüssel geben
Butter einrühren
Gemahlene Nüsse zugeben und
Den Teig verkneten

Augenballgroße Stücke vom Teig formen
Im Staubzucker wälzen und
Sagt die Zauberwörter
Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim

Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und
Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und

Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und
Keine Eier ...

Why, yes, that is, in fact, the ENTIRE SONG.I fucking love it. Love, love, love, LOVE IT. The lyrics, which are in German and rather absurd considering what the music itself sounds like, are exactly WHY I love it:

The Eggs/Balls of Satan
Half a cup of powdered sugar
One quarter teaspoon salt
One knife tip Turkish hash
Half a pound butter
One teaspoon vanilla-sugar
Half a pound flour
150 g ground nuts
A little extra powdered sugar
... and no eggs

Place in a bowl
Add butter
Add the ground nuts and
Knead the dough

Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough
Roll in the powdered sugar
and say the Magic Words:
"Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim"

Place on a greased baking pan and
Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes

Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...and no eggs.

I have no fucking clue of how many servings this makes, but the fact that THIS is the translation to a song that sounds downright sinister amuses me to no end – especially when I blast it in my car on a sunny day with the windows down, within earshot of the entirely way too wholesome neighbors.